Used to being alone

Once you try it, you can't get enough of it. You'll get addicted and love the solitude of being alone. The next thing you know, you're shattering and closing the doors to everyone.

I was once scared of being alone and wonder why some people seem to be so happy about it. The cliché "No man is an island" keeps on repeating on my mind whenever I see someone without a companion. I pity them more than I admire them. Watching a movie alone? At a coffee shop with a good book alone? Shopping alone? Eating at a restaurant alone? Alone on all the red-letter-days? Where's the fun in that? Until one day I bumped my head and woke up from a dream or a nightmare,  maybe a combination of both. It was a dream while it lasted and suddenly turned into nightmare when it ended. Our description changes along with our emotions just as my view changed that day. That day when I felt alone, when I had to be alone,  and started to love being alone. I felt alone when the world is crashing down on me, breaking me into tiny pieces that I've lost every matching piece, not a single one fits and can be replaced. I had to be alone and pick up the pieces and arrange them entirely different, figuring out which ones can go along with the other. I had to find myself, alone. It was such a leap for me to get out the box, risk it all, face the danger of being alone. I wanted to, I really did just didn't had the courage to but I forced myself. I felt like all eyes were on me while I was buying that movie ticket, that everyone was talking about me wondering why I'm alone as I head to the snack bar, that they were searching here and there waiting for someone to approach me and be with me as we all enter the movie house. No one came, it's just me. Everyone was with someone either a lover, family, friend and I was alone. Movie trailers are shown and in trn minuted the movie starts, still no one was beside me sharing with me the buttered popcorn I bought. I laughed and weeped along with them and they did too but not with me, with their companion did they. It wasn't a scorching feeling after all, I went home with a satisfied and happy heart. 

Ticked that off my list now for another one. Travel alone. Where to go? Oh! I haven't tried going to this epic beach party every summer held in one of the country's best islands. Plane seats are full, left with no choice but to go there via 10-12 hour ferry ride--alone. I'm on the third deck near the bar by the open deck, I can't be in coma the whole trip. Explored the ferry and had a good book in hand, sunbathed. I think I'll try this more often. And that's where I started to enjoy. Oh not enjoy--love, love being alone. I became more aware of my surroundings, especially myself. I thought I had so much to learn from people whereas the truth is I had much more to learn about myself. It was all worth it.

(FEBRUARY 2017)