When all of a sudden you've somehow healed from the inside, the pain and all the heartaches now left in the past and are just memories of what was once a forever. You've awaken, awaken from the fact that there is more to life than the devastation you've gone through. You have finally realized that life is indeed amazing more than ever. Here you are living the life you once had and even better you're stronger and wiser than you were before. Resurrected from the crippled past and now running in the meadow with a happy sunset view passing through the mountains. All you know was that you were living the life you missed, the life you wished, and the life that is now back in the palm of your hands. You're are now back on track; no detours this time. You're now doing just fine, you have accepted it, done letting go and now moving on, moving forward and no turning back. Then was tragedy but now viola! No, it's not magic that made me okay but by God's grace and by the love of those people who unconditionally loves me. Then unexpectedly comes along this complete stranger whom you thought just for once was same as all the others that you'd have some couple of talks with, getting to know for quite sometime and that's it he'll eventually be out of your life. And maybe the other part, wherein he'd stay for a while in your life as a friend and that's it, or maybe at times some sort of a suitor. But no, he was never categorized in any of those, he went straight to this special place that has been locked for how many months now and maybe for a year.
It was nice having an on-going conversation with him, we've talked about almost everything. It felt like we've known each other for so long, phone calls went on for hours. He kept on teasing me every now and then. He talks about random girls who seem to like him and he somehow likes back. It pains me at first but what can I do? This growing feeling should stop, killed, burned, buried, left, and forgotten. Because this would end up tragically and I don't want to take the risk of admitting my feelings to him there are only two possible outcome. First, he'd say it back and second he'd say that he doesn't feel the same and everything would be too awkward from then on. Am I that sure that I've gotten over that one person whom I loved so much? I got hurt but I don't want to revenge and hurt anyone too just because I had been broken. This was not my intention. It wasn't supposed to be this way, it went way beyond overboard. I didn't want you to feel alone because I know how hurtful and depressing it is. I've been there, I know. How your world fell apart unexpectedly killing billions of love you have in that crystal heart, loving someone who betrayed you. And the foundation even got weak and deteriorated, nothing was left but broken pieces. Ashes, dust, picking up even just a piece would completely hurt you even more. It's not easy to start from scratch when you've invested everything into it your whole life but you have no other way. At times I don't understand you anymore but I still do. Your invisibility made you visible to me. I see you behind your imperfections. How can someone so genuine deserve such crap? I don't want to take the risk because I don't want to lose you, I don't want to lose us, I don't want to lose the friendship that we have. I am ready for war and I left everything white behind because ceasing is never my thing. I fight whether it's wrong or right. I'd go on drills even alone. You see? It's not the war that scares me, it's when I'm the only left in the battlefield while my troops already gave up. I'd die for them to live; I'd die for love. But at this point in time, you're much worth the battle but let's just keep it this way. It's much better this way. Friends. Best friends. It's when I commanded my heart to halt.
/CJ/
(JUNE 2015)
It was nice having an on-going conversation with him, we've talked about almost everything. It felt like we've known each other for so long, phone calls went on for hours. He kept on teasing me every now and then. He talks about random girls who seem to like him and he somehow likes back. It pains me at first but what can I do? This growing feeling should stop, killed, burned, buried, left, and forgotten. Because this would end up tragically and I don't want to take the risk of admitting my feelings to him there are only two possible outcome. First, he'd say it back and second he'd say that he doesn't feel the same and everything would be too awkward from then on. Am I that sure that I've gotten over that one person whom I loved so much? I got hurt but I don't want to revenge and hurt anyone too just because I had been broken. This was not my intention. It wasn't supposed to be this way, it went way beyond overboard. I didn't want you to feel alone because I know how hurtful and depressing it is. I've been there, I know. How your world fell apart unexpectedly killing billions of love you have in that crystal heart, loving someone who betrayed you. And the foundation even got weak and deteriorated, nothing was left but broken pieces. Ashes, dust, picking up even just a piece would completely hurt you even more. It's not easy to start from scratch when you've invested everything into it your whole life but you have no other way. At times I don't understand you anymore but I still do. Your invisibility made you visible to me. I see you behind your imperfections. How can someone so genuine deserve such crap? I don't want to take the risk because I don't want to lose you, I don't want to lose us, I don't want to lose the friendship that we have. I am ready for war and I left everything white behind because ceasing is never my thing. I fight whether it's wrong or right. I'd go on drills even alone. You see? It's not the war that scares me, it's when I'm the only left in the battlefield while my troops already gave up. I'd die for them to live; I'd die for love. But at this point in time, you're much worth the battle but let's just keep it this way. It's much better this way. Friends. Best friends. It's when I commanded my heart to halt.
/CJ/
(JUNE 2015)
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