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Ako po si Nicole at kaka-graduate ko lang po sa high school two years ago, tuwang-tuwa po hindi lang ako kundi ang buong pamilya ko nung maka-pasa ako sa sa UST dahil quota course po ang course choice ko. At nag-aral po ako ng 2 years of college doon, I took up AB Political Science. Okay naman po ang lahat sa simula nakakapag-aral ako ng mabuti, nakapasa ako sa lahat ng organization na sinalihan ko at naging officer pa.
Pero nasira po ang lahat ng iyon ng nagsimula akong magloko sa pag-aaral inuna ang barkada at ang mga gala panay ang inom at paglalasing. Kasi hanggang ngayon po meron pa rin sa akin na hindi ko ma-let go ung sakit na naghiwalay ang mga magulang ko nung 3years old ako. Nakita kong binubugbog ni Daddy si Mommy, sinisisi niya si Mommy na nanlalalake kahit na todo kayod si Mommy para buhayin ako at tulungan si Daddy sa bahay at sa in-laws niya dahil wala kaming sariling bahay nakikitira lang kami sa 3rd floor ng bahay ng parents ni Daddy. Sobra pong babaero si Daddy, hindi man siya nagsisigarilyo at nakikipag-tagay, hindi rin nagsusugal pero grabe mambabae. Sinugal niya ang pamilya niya kami nina Mommy para lang sa babae niya. Almost 4years old po ako nun nung naghiwalay sila, nakita ko kung paano bugbugin ni Daddy si Mommy, na nung buntis si Mommy sa kapatid ko tinali niya si Mommy tapos sumisigaw siya galit na galit at may hawak na itak. Sobra akong mahal ni Daddy kahit ganun siya kaya tumakbo ako mula sa gilid ng kwarto kung saan iyak ako ng iyak, tumakbo ako at niyakap si Mommy. Muntik na siya patayin ni Daddy, kinalampag ng lolo at lola ko ang pinto ng kwarto namin sa 3rd floor pero hinabol sila ni Daddy ng itak pababa ng hagdan. Ang sumunod na alam ko na lang po nangyari ay isang madaling araw habang tulog si Daddy na yakap ang kapatid kong lalake na mga 7months pa lang ay nag-impake kami ni Mommy ng gamit at tinakasan si Daddy. Nagtaxi kami at umuwi kami sa bahay ng magulang ni Mommy, sinalubong kami ng lola ko at 2 uncle ko (lolo ko nasa barko ng panahon na iyon at ang tita ko nasa bahay ng asawa niya). Iyak kami ng iyak lahat at galit na galit sila dahil puro pasa ang buong katawan ni Mommy pati ang mukha niya punong-puno ng namamagang pasa. At simula nun hindi na sila nagkabalikan dahil nagbanta pala ang babae ni Daddy na magpapakamatay siya kapag iniwan siya ni Daddy, kaya ang ginawa ni Daddy pinili niya ung babae niya kesa sa amin na pamilya niya.
Never ako nagtanim ng sama ng loob sa Daddy ko kahit ganun pa man dahil laging pinapaalala ni Mommy na kahit ganun ay Daddy ko pa rin un kaya hindi ako dapat magalit sa kanya. Nag-aral ako sa isang all-girls school (St. Scholastica's College Manila), at habang lumalaki na kung saan sa grade school madalas ung activity sa lahat ng class na draw your family, describe your family, lahat about sa family. Hindi ko mapigilan umiyak. Lalo na kapag dismissal tapos makikita ko mga classmates ko or kahit na sino na parehong parents ang sumusundo samantalang ako si Mommy or si Daddy lang never silang dalawa. Hanggang sa nag-high school ako at 2nd year HS lumipat ako sa Malate Catholic School na kung saan unti-unti kong natanggap na hinding-hindi na magkakabalikan ang mga magulang ko. Pero nung mga simula kapag nag-aaway sila lagi kahit hiwalay na sila madalas dahil sa tuition, pinipili kong saktan ng pisikal ang sarili ko (naglalaslas ako) kesa makita at marinig na nag-aaway sila. Natigil lang iyon ng mga 3rd year ako. Nagka-boyfriend si Mommy for one year tinanggap namin siya tulad ng pag tanggap namin sa babae ni Daddy (na hanggang ngayon kasama niya at nagllive-in na sila pero nambababae pa rin si Daddy) pero paglipas ng isang taon naghiwalay sila, nasasaktan akong makitang nasasaktan ng sobra ang Mommy ko. Huli ko siyang nakitang nasaktan ng sobra at umiyak ng ganun ay ung nag hiwalay sila ni Daddy, napapansin kong lumalaki ang tyan ni Mommy pero wala naman siyang sinasabi pero malakas na ang kutob ko na buntis siya until after 5months kinausap niya kami ng kapatid ko na si Yet. Inamin niya na buntis siya at tanggapin namin ang baby 'wag kami magagalit kasi wala naman siyang kasalanan. Lalong gumuho ang puso ko, hindi pa ako nakaka-ahon ng tuluyan sa paghihiwalay ng magulang ko kahit ilang years na ang nakakalipas tapos eto naman. Nung una hirap na hirap akong tanggapin hanggang sa naisip ko na tama naman, hindi kasalanan nung baby at kawawa siya dahil hindi man lang siya inako ng Daddy niya at buti na lang mahal siya ng Daddy namin kaya ang kinikilala niyang Daddy ay ang Daddy namin ni Yet. Mahal namin ni Yet ang kapatid namin na si Kian.
Going back, nung nag simula nga po ako mag-loko sa pag-aaral ko sa UST nung 2nd year college po ako pinatigil nila ako mag-aral. Nag-stop po ako ng 2nd sem dahil nga sinasayang ko lang ang tuition, okay naman grades ko kaso sa sobrang hiya ko na rin dahil sa kagagawan ko lumipat ako ng FEU. Pero habang stop po ako nung 2nd sem naisipan ko po mag-part time modeling, kung saan naman po kahit konti kumikita ako at nag-aabot po ako kay Mommy. Gumigimik pa rin po ako pero hindi na po tulad ng dati na pakawala uminom. I was the typical type of a young and free teenage girl with hopes and dreams, though I was a player and bit bitchy and so flirty, I still believe that love is real and I believe in all those idealistic things about love that novels and movies depicts.
Until one day nakilala ko si Kel, who is also a player himself. Nagkakilala kami unexpectedly at a very unexpected moment, place and time and everything else was history. We both changed for each other; changed for the better. From being both a player to being both a faithful lover willing to risk it all for love's sake. Nagkakilala kami kung kelan nung araw na 'yun ay photoshoot ko ng umaga sa UP at ng afternoon until evening rehearsal ko po para sa ramp kinabukasan, sa park po sa tapat ng UMAK ang place. Biglang nagtext sa akin mga kaibigan ko na nasa SM North EDSA pumunta raw ako kasi namimiss na nila ako. Pag tapos ng rehearsal dumiretso ako sa MRT pero sobrang daming tao, sobrang-sobrang dami kaya bumaba na lang ako kahit na may ticket na ako, hindi ako familiar sa Guadalupe Station at kung paano pumunta ng SM North galing dun. Nag-antay at naghanap ako ng cab pero lahat may sakay, pa-lowbatt na cellphone ko. Nag-antay ako ng FX pero wala rin kaya nag bus ako, naka-tayo ako sa buong byahe dahil sobrang daming tao. 2% na lang battery life ng phone ko. At ng nasa SM North na ako nagdeadbatt na phone ko, papasok sana ako ng mall pero 11:20pm na sarado na kaya nagtanong ako sa mga nasa kiosk sa labas ng mall if may charger sila kaso lahat wala. Nagtanong ako sa guard kung saan may Mini Stop kaso malayo pa raw kayo tinuro niya sa akin ang 7-eleven na tabi ng Andok's sa may pagbaba ng footbridge. Buti available ang charging station at pumunta ang friend kong si Kirk doon na may kasamang 3 pang hindi ko kilala, sa kanila na raw ako sumabay sabi ni Kirk kasi pa-Manila naman daw ung 3 na un. (1 lalaki at 2 babae)
May kotse naman daw kasi itong si Kel. So syempre dahil late ako dumating at nakakahiya sa harap na ako sumakay para rin naman hindi siya mag mukhang driver namin. Along the way nung nasa Manila area na kami, tinatamad din itong sina Rose Ann and Jacque umuwi and since sila lang naka-inom at sobrang gusto kong uminom nag-aya ako uminom in short. Payag naman sila agad, so dinala kami ni Kel sa isang inuman yet chill place malapit sa bahay ko. Okay naman the whole time, magkatapat kami ni Kel sa table, katabi ko si Rose Ann at katabi niya si Jacque. Ang awkward kung paano ako titigan nitong Kel na ito.
Mahina pala uminom sina Rose Ann and Jacque so inubos namin ni Kel ang remaining drinks dahil sayang naman then we all ha breakfast at a fast food, it was already 4am when we decided to go home. Oh I almost forgot I had to go to the office pa pala to get my photos. Saglit lang ng tulog ko; I sent everyone in my contact a message na naghahanap ako ng magpapahiram sa akin ng flash disk (USB) and most of them wala "daw".
SMS
Kel: Meron ako flash disk, you can borrow it but how will I be able to lend it to you?
Me: Ahh kita na lang tayo somewhere.
Kel: Sige. Puntahan na lang kita sa inyo para 'di ka ma-hassle.
Me: Okay. See you!
He came naman talaga and to my surprise pag-abot niya nung flash disk bagong bili dahil naka-seal pa!
CONVO (CONVERSATION)
Me: Hala! Sabi ko extra eh kasi kukunin ko lang naman yung files then ibabalik ko rin agad after.
Kel: Okay lang 'yan (smirks). Oh how are you going to get there nga pala?
Me: I'm going to take the train.
Kel: Tara hatid na kita sa train station. Sorry ha I can't bring you there, actually kasi may class pa ako ang sabi ko lang sa prof mag-cr Lang ako.
Me: Oh gosh! Grabe sorry and super thank you ah. Kahiya grabe. Sorry talaga.
(In my head) Urgh! Na inis talaga ako nakakahiya sobra!!!
Kel: Here's the train station na
Me: Hey, sobrang thank you ah. I appreciate it so much
Kel: Don't mention it
As I was going up the stairs heading to the train station itself, hindi niya inaandar pa ung car talagang he waited na mawala ako sa paningin niya. Kilig overload na ito! He's not my type though kasi naman he's too short for a guy. He's not handsome but he's cute, but he's not tall talaga eh.
When I got home from the office and got my files with me, I just went home to get ready because later I have a ramp. Another tiring and busy day for me as usual. When I got there my co-models were already rehearsing, and I joined them. Hours after we were all getting ready for the big night.
SMS
Kel: Hi, good luck sa ramp mo ^_^
*Waaa! Naalala niya okay so kilig. Pero kinakabahan talaga na ako ang daming tao, I might trip and slip kahiya!
SMS
Me: Thank you Kel pero grabe talaga I am so nervous.
Kel: Don't be. Kaya mo 'yan!
Me: How can you say so? Ang pauso mo naman.
Kel: Ganito na lang, close your eyes.
Me: Why muna?
Kel: Close your eyes first then I will tell you why after you do it.
Me: I did closed my eyes na. Why ba?
Kel: When you close your eyes just think that I am there with you.
Hindi na ako nag-reply kay Kel at nag-ramp na. Okay. Ramp na, I am getting more nervous than ever. Bago ako mag-ramp pinikit ko mga mata ko at inisip na kasama ko si Kel. Yes!!! Nagawa ko whoa!
SMS
Me: Kel! Done na set ko yey!
Kel: Great! Hey may tarpaulin pala kayo sa labas niyang venue nuh?
Me: How did you know?
Kel: I just passed-by kasi to check if the surroundings are okay to know if you'd be safe.
Aba! Aba! Bolerong natural ito ahh. After my ramp I went with my other friends Lala and Rein, Kel waited for me to text him that I am home na. Eh I got home at 5am the next day na. What's with him ba that he often makes me feel special? Sobrang bilis naman parang speed of light. Pero why am I feeling so kilig nga ba?
A week after Kel invited me, Rose Ann and Jacque to have dinner and watch a movie at his house. He asked us to bring movies that we want to watch so I brought my favorite, a great Indian movie entitled: The Three Idiots.
He cooked sinigang for dinner and in fairness masarap siya magluto. Nakakahiya lang kasi ka-babae kong tao pero hindi ako marunong magluto. Weeks had passed, it has been a month or two now and again Kel invited us to their rest house at Canyon Ranch at Carmona, Cavite. Unfortunately Jacque wasn't able to join us. Rose Ann, Kel, and I spent the night there relaxing and watching various genres of movies on his laptop. Rose Ann went to bed early, Kel and I had a moment to talk about random stuffs. It was like the time stood still and when we went back to Manila everything was history.
Kel made a video for me wherein from the exact convenient store at the exact spot where he saw mw, he was holding a piece of paper that says "Kel loves Nicole". The convenient store, the bar where we went and the fast food, the video was composed of 50 random people holding that piece of paper: "Kel loves Nicole". I was so surprised because andun din ung mga ka-organization ko and my mentors as well, even some of Kel's family and Rose Ann and Jacque too. A tear dropped from my eyes as well as Kel's too. How can something so extraordinary happen just as fast as a month.
One evening...
SMS
Kel: Nasa bahay ka?
Me: Yes. Why?
(20mins had passed no reply yet)
(My phone rings)
Me: Hello?
Kel: Baba ka saglit
Me: Ha? Why? Sobrang lakas kaya ng ulan.
(I went down)
Si Kel nasa labas ng house ko with no umbrella, sobrang basa sa ulan.
CONVO
Me: Baliw ka ba?!?
Kel: (hands over a box of brownies) Gusto ko Lang naman ibigay sayo ito eh, kasi alam ko favorite mo ito.
Me: Eh sino ba nag sabi sayo naman na magpa basa ka sa ulan?
Kel: Hindi naman ako dapat magpapabasa sa ulan. Inabutan Lang ako, eh wala akong umbrella and I can't wait to see you so here I am
A different day...
Kel fetched me at my house and when I was inside the car na I was surprised that Elvis gave me a Conti's chocolate cake (one of my favorites) with a card that says... "I just simply want to thank you for coming into my life."
Another different day...
Kel went to see me
CONVO
Kel: Hey ang kulang ko na lang sa requirements to go to Germany is for me to pass my interview
Me: Oh really? Good luck! kaya mo 'yan, ikaw pa!
Kel: Mamimiss mo ba ako?
Me: Ano ba namang klaseng tanong iyan? Syempre naman
(I suddenly hugged him so tight and then burst out in tears)
Me: Pwede ba na dito ka na lang sa akin? Paano tayo? Paano ako? Stay with me please. Dito ka na lang 'wag ka na umalis, 'wag mo ako iwan
Kel: (teary-eyed, hugged me even tighter)
Summer is almost over, malapit na ang birthday ni Kel. What can I do to make him happy kaya? Hmmm... I know, I will invite his closest friends and his best friend over to come and join us for dinner.
My list for Kel's 24th birthday:
•Cake
•Venue
•His closest friends and his best friend
•Video
•Balloons
•Banner
•Gifts
•Photographer and videographer
Got everything done and prepared na for his birthday. I've never even done this before for anyone not even for my family, I don't understand why is he this important to me. I mean like I prepared and planned everything alone that's just WOW! I hope it would make him happy and feel special.
KEL'S BIRTHDAY
SMS
Me: Punta ka na here.
Kel: Okay. I'd be there in a bit.
*So nervous, everything is already set and all of his friends are here na.
SMS
Kel: I'm here na at the door
Me: Okay.
And I fetched him at the entrance of the restaurant...
CONVO
Kel: Why do you look so nervous? Ano meron?
Me: I'm going to treat you dinner 'coz it's your birthday.
(Reaches the function room)
GUESTS: "Happy Birthday Kel!!!"
(Slide show on the white screen started to play)
(Crew of the restaurant started to serenade Kel)
Kel's face was so priceless, ang teary-eyed niya. Accomplished! Pero bakit teary-eyed din ako? The party ended just right and just in time. Magnifico! We brought Jacque home (Rose Ann wasn't able to attend 'coz she has colds). As soon as Jacque got off from the car Kel hugged me so tight and cried, he thanked me and we both cried. Is this love? Is love doing mushy and silly things for the other? Things that you never thought you'd do to anyone in your whole life. You were once too prideful that you never imagined of doing it but it became unexpectedly possible.
Kel told me the news about his application for Germany was denied because he intentionally failed his interview, his family not knowing about it wanted him to re-apply but he refused to do so. He stayed with me, though it was a big opportunity waiting for him there. It's a childish decision, impractical but he did it for this foolish thing called love.
Everything was smooth sailing and after two months it's now my birth month and only few days to go before my birthday. Exact midnight of my birthday I was already sleeping and the lights were already off when there was a tiny light on top of my head that woke me up, to my surprise it was Kel holding a birthday cake for me and singing 'Happy Birthday'. Not only that but he also has gifts for me, a book ('coz he knows I'm quite a bibliophile), an earphone ('coz I'm a music lover), and a purple bag that I wanted. Kel stayed for a couple of minutes and left.
The morning came and and we just had lunch out and strolled around but what I didn't know was that the next day would be a blast.
I was wondering why everyone at home left, seemed like everyone was so busy and has to go somewhere all at once. I gave it a benefit of the doubt 'coz at times it does happen.
SMS
Kel: Nicole get ready, I'm going to pick you up in a while.
Me: Why? Where are we going?
Kel: I'm going to bring you somewhere.
Kel fetched me at my house and headed to a fast food. I was curious because we didn't went straight to the counter, Kel was holding my hand as we reached the stairs going up. And to my surprise everyone was there and yes, there was a birthday party for me. I looked around and my whole family, friends from various groups, godparents, and closest friends even relatives were there. I hugged Kel and we both burst out in tears. He threw out a kiddie party for my last year of being a teenager. Everyone enjoyed, it was so priceless.
It was time for me to make a wish and blow my birthday cake and my family gave me a heart touching message. Kel's turn to give a birthday message, he wasn't ashamed nor hesitant to tell in front of everyone that I deserve all the best there is and that he loves me more than love itself.
I never thought na dadating pa 'yung guy na hindi mahihiya na sabihin at ipaalam sa harap ng lahat ng taong importante sa akin na mahal niya ako. I was hoping that someone would do that last year nung debut ko. It's a year late though, but still fairy tale come true. I am very and incredibly blessed to have Kel. Hours turned into days, days into weeks, weeks into months. Hello 'BER' month! We kept on going somewhere they've never been and doing activities they've never done. Picnics, extreme sports etc.
Our first plane ride together was when me and my family were off for a vacation at Boracay, Kel came with us. We had so much fun for four days and three nights. Activities here and there, that white beach and warm seawater, awesome view was so relaxing. Banana boat, Parasailing, ATV, 3D Art Museum, Zorb Ball, and strolling along the beach.
Months came by so quickly and it was Kel's uncle's wedding day. I was invited, I brought my cousin Luz with me. It was well and at the reception Kel didn't joined her first cousins at the table instead he joined me and his second degree cousins (whom my cousin and I were sharing the same table). Magical feeling because Kel was so proud of me and introduced her to everyone at the party. After the program we went goofing around, took a sit on the bride and groom's seat like we're the next ones who's going to get married.
2013
Everything was smooth sailing
Hello NEW YEAR! We aren't in an official relationship yet and it pisses me off so much.
Kung pwede lang na ako na lang ang magtanong eh. Nakaka-inis kasi! We both love each other naman, our families are okay, we're okay, everything's fine. What else is missing pa ba?
Until Valentine's Day came. We had a heart-shaped personalized chocolate for our loved ones that they gave to them a day before Valentine's. And the day before itself I had already prepared a surprise for Kel, and so I went to Kel's house while he was still sleeping. I had petals scattered on Kel's bed where he was sleeping soundly, I filled the white board in his room with cut-outs of heart post-its with different languages of 'I love you', and an arrow leading to the formal dining room where I placed my surprised. And there in the dining room were petals arranged in a heart shape, a heart-shaped cartolina with Kel's full name written on it with an 'I love you'. As soon as everything was already set, I went back to Kel's room to wake him up. I turned on a song entitled "Perfect Moment" then placed our dog on his face so he would wake up. When he woke up he saw every surprise I have for him, when he reached the dining room he found me there and he hugged me so tight crying and saying "I love you more than love itself".
Afternoon of the same day, Kel fetched me at school with a bouquet of three beautifully blossomed red roses with lovely white tulips. The very best bouquet I have ever accepted to receive. And we had dinner at a buffet restaurant (Saisaki at UN Ave), as soon as we were almost done with our plates Kel pulled out a tin can and gave it to me. I was so surprised when I open it because it was the watch that I've been longing for, the watch that I even dreamed to have whenever I see in on buses. Kel pulled out a letter inside the tin can and let me read it.
The last line says... "Today I am your Valentine but can I ask you one thing? Could I also be your boyfriend not only for today but until I come to ask your hand in matrimony. You and me together, and forever with God binding us. Happy Valentine's Day and happy first day of our forever."
Sobrang totoo ba talaga ito? Is this really happening? Since I was a kid it may sound funny and crazy but I have been praying to God na yung taong magtatanong sa akin to be his girl on mismong Valentine's Day ay yun ang sign na binigay siya sa akin ni God. I looked at him after reading the letter and I gave him my 'yes' with teary-eyed and he hugged me while sniffing 'coz he was teary-eyed too. And so it is official we are now in a relationship!
An incident happened wherein nilalagnat ako for a couple of days na tapos I tried going to school, sumakay ako ng LRT Line 1 pero sobrang nahilo ako and nung nasa Central Terminal Station na I suddenly fainted, may matandang lalake na gay na sobrang bait na kumarga sa akin at dinala ako sa clinic dun sa gilid ng station mismo. And nung medyo naging okay na ako tinext ko si Kel na nasa work pa, bigla niya akong pinuntahan agad at inalagaan. Siya ang super RN ko. Inuwi niya muna ako sa kanila dahil walang magbabantay sa akin doon sa bahay namin dahil lahat ng tao umalis, inalagaan niya ako at ng pamilya niya. Chineck din ako ng mommy niya na isang doctor. Then everything went as okay as it is naman.
Holy Week nag-Visita Iglesia kami ng 7 churches and 2 stations of the cross each church with my family. Okay as it is naman lahat, smooth sailing though at times may tampuhan and away syempre pero hindi kami nagbbreak.
Feels so good, so perfect, unexpected, magical. Never knew that a fantasy could become reality and that a dream can come true in real life. We were more in love with each other more than ever. More outdoor activities and gastronomic adventures here and there until my paranoia invaded my whole system.
I was stalking Facebook accounts and I found a photo of him and his family with his ex, it was dated 2010. I don't know why I feel so jealous 'coz they were so close to her and I kept on scrolling only to find out that the same girl was present during his uncle's wedding and no one even told me about who she is, I even asked who she was during the wedding 'coz his whole family seemed to like her very much. From then on I became so possessive, overprotective, paranoid and all. You know why? Kasi I feel so indifferent kahit tanggap nila ako. Iba naman kasi ang tanggap sa gusto, it's shallow but you'll never understand me until you feel how I do. Then we often argue often na and most of the time about stupid things.
Sobra akong naging selosa na hindi ko naisip na dapat matuwa ako dahil proud siya sa akin, pero hindi ko alam eh. Bakit ganun, bakit ganito. Napadalas yung pag sundo and pag hatid ko sa kanya sa work and school, napabayaan ko na sarili ko at studies ko sa sobrang takot na mawala at maagaw siya sa akin. Hindi ko naisip na hindi na nakakatuwa ang ginagawa ko, na nakakasakal na ako, sumo sobra na. Hindi na out of love lahat ng ginagawa ko, slight obsession and mostly fear of losing him na. But still he never gave me up. Ako at ang pangit kong attitude.
He never gave up on me. He showed me more na ako lang talaga ang mahal niya, na wala nang iba pa kundi ako. Kahit na sobrang selosa at possessive ko na. Surprises here and there that are from the heart to secure and assure her of his love for me. It even came to a point wherein nainis na ang family ni Kel sa akin because of my "attitude" daw (kasi they've never seen Kel so in love, kaya may attitude raw ako) but Kel stood up for me, that made them more angry with me because Kel had never answered back at them since he was young. They kept on wondering what's with me that had Kel so much in love with me.
I lost so much weight that from sexy and hot I became so skinny that I will pass as a model of skeletal system inside a science room. Kel put so much effort to make me better and bring back the happiness in me. But sobrang pasaway ko, everyday I was becoming more selosa, becoming worse than yesterday. Kel still kept on loving me despite it all.
Birthday na ulit ni Kel. I need to make this better and more memorable than last year. Photobooth, magician, lighting balloons, tarpaulin, 100 birthday greetings, personalized cake and cupcakes, his family and my family, gifts, photographer and videographer, birthday letters for him from his family and my family and some of his friends. Thank God maayos ulit ang lahat. Success!
I planned his 25th birthday na mas special kesa sa 24th dahil syempre silver year eh. Mas dobleng effort at surprise na ako lang nag-asikaso, this time family niya at family ko lang ang invited. May led balloons, letter balloons ng full name niya, personalized cake and cupcakes, videographer and photographer, photo booth, tarpaulin na collage na may 100 na tao na fan sign ng "Happy Birthday Kel", 25 gifts ko for him, and may magician dahil favorite niya ang magician sa side niya na may pagka-child at heart.
Kel's efforts were much better than before. He surprisingly gave me red roses for nothing, there weren't any occasions it's just him showing how much he loves me.
Papasok na ako ng school then paglabas ko ng front door namin Kel was there.
CONVO
Kel: Tara hatid na kita sa school
Me: Wala ka pa tulog from work ahh
Kel: Okay lang. Just let me love you more each day
Birthday ko naman nag Tagaytay kami and Sta. Cruz, Laguna sa Isdaan Floating Restaurant kung saan akala mo nasa ibang bansa ka. Super duper ganda!
Christmas is drawing near. We had been through a lot, pain, love, sacrifices, etc. Start of Simbang Gabi is just days away. Another Christmas together, we always save up to buy gifts for both of our families. Not to brag but to show affection and appreciation. Christmas, may gifts kami para sa buong family niya at family ko galing sa aming dalawa.
2014
New year, new beginning, new phase of life. I'm still not okay, I haven't been okay for quite a while now but I'm not showing it to anyone not even to Kel. I was trapped in the fear of losing him that I forgot how to love him a little less so I can love myself a little more.
Hello February, the Love Month. Kel surprised me by going to my house in the middle of the night. Kel sent me an SMS that he's at our doorstep so when I opened the door Kel sang a phrase of a song...
Kel: (singing) "Puno ang langit ng bituin at kay lamig pa ng hangin, sayong tingin ako'y nababaliw galiw. At sa awitin kong ito, sana'y maibigan mo. Ibubuhos ko ang buong puso ko, sa isang munting harana para sayo."
We were both teary-eyed as usual and I hugged him so tight. Kel gave me three big red heart balloons, a box of her favorite Ferrero Rocher, a red rose and not just that he pulled out something from his pocket and it's what I was wanting to have but I never told him about it, it's a pandora's bracelet. Kel also gave my mom a red rose and a cake for Valentines. We of course also gave Kel's grandma and mom a Valentine gift. Love was definitely in the air.
Summer is fast approaching. We already had plans for summer, we both enrolled for summer class so that Kel can finish his second course right away since he is already done with his one-year contract at a government hospital (Fabella). He would have more sleep now that he's only studying because he was always so exhausted last year when he was studying and working at the same time but despite that he still has time for me. And I make it to a point to take care of him, fetch him at his house bring him to his work place and sometimes pick him up from school. Alam ko siya lang dapat gumagawa nun dahil siya ang lalake pero sobra ko siyang mahal para isipin pa na hindi ko dapat un gawin dahil babae ako. Kapag mahal mo, mahal mo. Ganun ka-simple.
He asked for the approval of my parents if I can come with him and his family for a 5-day vacation at Hong Kong and Macau. Entrusting me, their daughter to him and they can see how much he loves me, they allowed me to go with him.
HONG KONG AND MACAU TRIP
Hello Hong Kong! This is my first out of the country trip and I've been wanting to see double-deck buses, culture and art, etc. That smile on my face was so priceless. I enjoyed every moment with Kel and his family.
HK DAY 1
We dropped our bags off at the place where we would stay for 5-days and dined out. Explored Mongkok, tried to eat street foods there.
MACAU DAY 2
We went to explore the overwhelmingly beautiful place of Macau. Hotel tour. Different shows like the Dragon show and such, everything was so amazing and undeniably pleasing to one's eye especially to me who was having my first out of the country. Kel and I took a gondola ride at The Venetian Hotel with his mom.
HK DAY 3
It's every child's dream. Hello Disneyland! ;) a dreamy place. Rides here and there picture everywhere. It was like a fairy tale, a dream come true.
HK DAY 4
Ocean park time :)
Panda!!! The cable car ride that was so high you can already see the island that is beside it. Extreme rides awaits on the peak of the mountain.
At first I got scared to ride the Hair raiser, though I'm really a dare devil it's just that it's obviously my first time to ride a roller coaster abroad but Kel held my hand and assured me that he has my back. We roamed around the place and rode every ride there is.
HK DAY 5
It's a free day for everyone. Since there's twelve of us, we've all decided that we can go individually or wherever we want to for as long as we would go straight to the airport before our scheduled flight back to Manila. Kel and I went to the Avenue of Stars that was beside the sea, it was a remarkable place. Then we headed out to the Hong Kong Museum of Art where there was an exhibit by Ju Ming who sculpted styros. It's now time to go to the airport, good bye Hong Kong it has been a great 5-day stay.
The school year is about to start. We had a major fight, this fight that would change everything that we have, the fight that would take everything away from us. I was being more possessive and jealous than ever.
Nasa car niya kami then sobrang nasa climax kami ng anger. I pulled out a razor blade from my wallet and slashed my left wrist three times, the blood was overflowing as both of us kept crying and crying and crying. Super nagalit si Kel so he punched his face until nagkaron ng pasa ang face niya. It was such a terrible night na ginulo ng sobra ang isip ni Kel and that hurt me so much. Hindi ko alam paano umabot dito, okay naman kami. Grabeng selosa ako oo, pero hindi ko na maalala paano kami umabot sa ganito. Masama ba na matakot ka ng sobra na mawala sayo ang taong buong puso mong minahal?
It was weeks before Kel's 26th birthday. I tried to fix things between us though we're both terribly in pain and totally hurt.
While I was sleeping beside Kel...
Kel: Mahal na mahal kita kahit ang sakit-sakit mo sa ulo (kisses my forehead)
It's Kel's birthday na and na-wrong send siya ng "Mine" sa'kin.
Ano kaya itong "mine"? Iba ang pakiramdam ko dito. Kasi hindi pwedeng typo because of the SMS topic. Ang sama talaga ng pakiramdam ko about this. I better ask him when he comes here.
Kel denied the "Mine" issue but ever since that fight he is no longer sweet towards me and the feeling na lagi siyang irritated sa'kin and lagi siyang napipilitan whenever he's with me and all. I love him with all my heart 'coz ever since I had this belief that every guy is a womanizer like my dad, and si Kel lang ang nag-iisa na hindi ko inisipan ng ganun. I did everything to save our relationship that was falling apart and that is being taken away from me, and the guy who loved me more than anyone else is now letting me go.
I again secretly planned for Kel's birthday with Kel's classmates. Every poste outside Kel's school from the North Gate to South Gate (CEU Mendiola) were his classmates, each of them holding a balloon and a letter from me. When Kel reached the North Gate I was there holding a banner that says "Happy Birthday, I love you". People can easily notice me because everyone's uniform was white and I was wearing her school uniform which is black. Kinalimutan ko na babae ako at nilunok lahat ng pride at kakahiyan just to shout it out to the world how much I love Kel.
Galit pa rin ang family ni Kel sa akin because akala nila pinabugbog ko si Kel, and akala nila nabugbog si Kel but I didn't do anything. At times during ng OJT ni Kel sa Mercury Drug sa may Puregold Sta. Mesa, there was a time na sinurprise ko siya then lumabas siya at pinauwi ako, kahit na 6-hours na ako andun. Ayos lang, inintindi ko siya dahil mahal na mahal ko siya. Kahit na patuloy na siya sa pagtulak sa akin palayo. Madalas kapag magkasama kami pakiramdam ko parang nandidiri siya sa akin, ni hindi na niya hinahawakan ang kamay ko, hindi na siya nag-i-"I love you", hindi na niya ako niyayakap, wala na lahat. Lalong lumakas ang kutob ko dun sa "mine" na text pero patuloy ko po idedeny iyon sa sarili ko, dahil mahal na mahal na mahal ko siya. Kaya ayos na lang na masaktan ako wag lang siyang mawala sa akin.
We celebrated my 21st birthday at Tagaytay, Picnic Grove na superman zipline tapos pasyal lang dun. It was an okay day and I had dinner with my immediate family, I invited Kel to join us pero ayaw niya. The next day I went to Kel's house to apologize to his family kasi alam ko na sobrang-sobra na nahihirapan si Kel and it's killing me everyday na nahihirapan si Kel. I went inside the house crying and asking for forgiveness, I even knelt before the grandma and mother of Kel with overflowing tears. The spoiled brat who doesn't even know how to be sincere in saying 'sorry' now swallowed her pride just for the sake of this guy whom she loves more than herself. I was forgiven and things are now okay.
Only to find out when I went to Kel's room that he wasn't there. I called up Kel's classmate but Kel wasn't in school, his bag and school stuffs were at his room. I waited and because Kel's tablet was there I checked it kasi sobrang iba na talaga pakiramdam ko about what is happening.
I found out that Kel was talking to a girl name Kristine on Skype and that they talk for hours. It broke my heart because after that major fight Kel didn't even talked to me for even 3minutes on the phone.
It felt like I was being burned alive, the fire under my feet while being showered with freezing ice cold water on my head at the same time. It breaks me a bit more than being terribly broken. This girl says 'I love you' to him and he keeps on talking to her. Ang sakit sobrang sakit.
We talked about this girl and I let it pass because I understand why he is doing such to me, may it be pointless but I love him that much to bear all the pain there is. I caught him numerous times with random evidences of him flirting with random girls just this year because the first two years he was obviously and outstandingly faithful, but still I forgave him even though I'm already dying. Hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to month until someone unexpectedly messaged me on Facebook sending a link of a random girl whose profile picture was with Kel, and when I checked the girl's account it was confirmed that this girl is in a relationship with Kel just few months ago until now. In short, nung birthday ko monthsary nila at kaya siya wala nung sa bahay the day after ng birthday ko ay dahil nag celebrate sila ng monthsary. June 17 naging sila, birthday ni Kel ng June 30 siya ung "mine" na na-wrong send si Kel sa akin. This is a different girl, her name was Shell. I didn't sleep, stayed awake the whole midnight and rushed to Kel's house at around 5am. We talked, the Nicole that once always shouted is now feeling so weak that whispered "Who is she?". Sa sobrang mahal ko siya, I told him na "Okay Lang kahit dalawa kami, kahit marami pa kami 'wag ka Lang mawala sa akin." Kel kept on telling me to let go of him pero ayaw ko. I love him so much, he was me everything when I had nothing and when I had everything as well. I'd give up everything for him even my life if I need to, he was my Prince Charming, my dream come true, my happily ever after, my knight in shining armor, my love, my life, my strength, my weakness, my miracle, he was all that there is that I'll ever want and need. Everyday I died just for him to live. How can this happen to a love that was so right? How can a love so strong just fall apart and break into pieces that no one can ever mend? Was this it? Were we meant to leave each other's path this way? This pain, this hurt, this agony... hearts bleeding, tears flowing, what happened to a love that was meant to last? Could this be the final chapter of our love or the sequel would be in few years after or maybe in another lifetime?
My heart breaking, and I don't know how can I heal now alone because I know deep inside that we're falling apart. I finally then agreed for a break up though I know I'd be back from the start because everything I ever had emotionally, all the love I kept locked in the depth of my heart I freed it and gave it all to Kel. I was so fragile, I was generalizing that no man can ever be loyal and faithful but this guy unexpectedly came along and he was the only exception. But how can this guy whom loved this girl so much break her heart terribly in the end? How can he have made her his life when in the end he would leave her lifeless and live his life alone?
This brokenhearted girl then went to each one of the family members of Kel, I hugged them all and bid them farewell, even the dogs in the terrace I bid them farewell. Kel went with me at the terrace where the dogs were, it was an open area and I then looked in the sky, fell on my knees crying out loud asking God why did He let this happen to us, do I deserve to be hurt ever since? Do I deserve all the betrayal and loss of love? We were both crying hysterically and the rest of the last time we saw each other was history. Kel escorted me to the train station, and that was the last time that we looked deeply into each other's eyes no words spoken but rather hearts broken.
Just after a week I saw a photo of Shell and Kel at Kel's house, it broke me more than ever. The Nicole that was strong her whole life now was losing grip of everything, the pain was already unbearable. I tried to get back on my feet and just let it go and continue living my life. But how? How can you continue living when every love was swept away? Another week had passed, I was terribly down but chose not to let anyone know and kept it all to myself. I know what is right from wrong, I'm a practicing Catholic but all these were blocked out from my mind when I overdosed myself thinking and wishing that Kel would visit me and I'd see him again, talk to him, and for him to ask for forgiveness. A simple sorry would do.
Was hospitalized for five days (26th to 30th of September 2014)
26th of September 2014 around 7am I was rushed to PGH (Philippine General Hospital) by our helper Ate Maylen Cabanada, right then and there I was attended to by several doctors and nurses.
I was feeling so loopy, groggy and all, my hearing was temporarily impaired it was like hearing the buzzing sound of a bee in my ear. I was vomiting and excreting blood at the same time. As I was vomiting blood, it tasted like metal (eww! yuck!). I was still conscious when I we reached the hospital, (we rode a sidecar on our way there), we even looked for where the ER (Emergency Room) was and we kinda got lost because the hospital was quite huge. Going back, as I was being attended to by doctors and nurses she hurriedly contacted my parents and let them know about my condition.
I was feeling so weak like I'm going to faint any time. They checked my blood pressure, and took a blood sample, took my left hand and had a dextrose (IV fluid) in it (doesn't really hurt like the way most people told me). Soon after they told me that I need this thing called 'NGT' (Nasogastric Tube) that passes through my nostrils and down to my stomach. When the nurse was placing it in my nose, his instructions were to just swallow (and so I did as I was told). It hurt, A LOT! I swear A LOT! I find it hard to breath and to swallow, I almost vomited. Then they placed me on a wheelchair, and had me in the corner of the room with machines on my body, I think it was ECG (Electrocardiogram). After few hours my mom came, I was still feeling so weak. She looked at me and said nothing, but the way she looked at me felt like she was hugging me and giving me comfort from all the pain I have inside of me. Several minutes after dad came with his best friend (my god father) Ninong Andeng. Same as mom, dad didn't say anything he just looked at me at brushed his fingers through my hair. Ate May, my mom, my dad and Ninong Andeng took care of all that needs to be done such as the blue card, equipments, medicines, etc.
Once in a while there would be someone with a clip board asking me about my condition (which kinda gets me irritated not because they kept on asking the same question but because I needed to answer them with a tube in my nostrils that's kinda stuck up my throat). And so I told them the story of why I was there and such. Most of the time I was sleeping, trying to gain back my strength.
I was in that small corner with a divider for hours, until night came or was it just around 5pm? When finally they had a vacant bed at the ACU (Ambulatory Care Unit), when I was already lying on the bed, I felt more comfort to sleep (rather than trying to sleep peacefully while sitting on the wheel chair of course). I slept, slept, and slept. When evening came and everyone was visiting me, my cousins where there, my grandfather and his brother (which is obviously my grandfather as well), my brother Wyeth, my mom, my dad, Ninong Andeng, and others. I can barely recall those who came over to see me, I was like in a state of comatose. Because I can barely move any part of my body, nor open my eyes and even respond. But I can hear all their conversations, my brain was actively awake but my body was almost as dead as it almost was. I kept on praying to God, talking to him saying... "Papa God, I'm still alive am I? Please tell me I'm not in a state of coma. Please tell me I'm alive. I'm dead emotionally, spiritually but please not mentally and most of all not physically. I still want to live. I'm sorry for what I have done."
I was so thin that I would pass a corpse, a zombie, or even a model of the skeletal system in a Science Laboratory. Midnight came when all I know is that my mom was the only left there with me, when a certain nurse came and transferred me to the OU (Observation Unit) just across the ACU. He asked me if I can walk and I said yes, he accompanied me to the OU as he was holding my dextose and my hand, and I was holding my NGT in my other hand, mom carried the stuffs.
OU's ambiance was quite more relaxing compared to the ACU wherein they were reviving people here and there, while some aren't as lucky to be revived as others are. In the OU there were less people, and my bed was in front of a huge electric fan (quite good for a place without an air-conditioner (why would I be choosy? Of course I know it's a public hospital)), facing the nurse station.
DAY 2
I was still feeling kinda loopy and groggy but not same as the first day. Now, I am conscious. Nurses kept on putting this black substance on my NGT and pumping it through the tuba ll the way down my stomach. They say it's called 'Activated Charcoal'. I'm not allowed to eat yet nor drink (even water). My mom and my cousin Lovely took me to the X-ray room and back to the OU. Bored the whole day, I just talked to God in my head. I slept the whole after but find it hard to do so because of the NGT blocking my throat. A nurse named Arnold was the one in duty, I told him I'm finding the NGT very uncomfortable and so he asked me if I'm willing to drink the activated charcoal without the NGT and I said yes. So he had it requested/endorsed to the head or super visor or what to have it removed instead. The first nurse whom I asked if it could be removed said no. Well, it's okay. He's just doing his work. The request was granted. Thank you Nurse Arnold! YES! The NGT was removed, what a relief. It was being pulled out from my nostrils which caused a bit of bleeding which was necessary. My throat felt so dry like it had never had a taste of water ever. I was already allowed to eat and drink but not too much. My warden was my closest cousin Lovely.
Evening came when dad was there beside me, I kept on begging dad to contact him. Let him know that I'm in the hospital, I tried so hard to let go and move on but it was just too hard and so painful that it continually kills and tears me up inside. I was crying and flooded in tears and dad strongly said 'no'. He said..."Anak, hindi mo alam kung gaano kasakit sa akin makita kang nandito at ganyan ng dahil sa kanya. Tapos gusto mo kausapin ko ung taong dahilan kung bakit nandito ka? Para ano? Kaawaan ka? Kausapin ka? Anak hindi ka ganyan, matapang ka. Kahit nung naghiwalay kami ng mommy mo at sa lahat ng sakit at hirap na piangdaanan mo hindi ka sumuko, ngayon lang. Sobrang sakit para sa isang magulang makitang sinaktan ng sobra ang anak na pinakamamahal niya. 'Yung anak niyang pinahalagahan at minahal ng sobra sinaktan at niloko lang ng sobrang ng kung sino."
Dad's words struck me. Dad is a man of few words, he's not the type of saying long enough words. Maybe I just really loved him more than so that's why here I am hurting all alone and he's out there with the girl whom he chose over me being so happy with her. Not giving a damn thing about me being in the hospital that I almost died.
DAY 3
It was just me and my cousin again. Mom slept in the hospital beside me and my cousin but left earlier than usual because she has work. Another nurse was on duty. He was literally tall, dark, and handsome. He was as friendly and approachable as nurse Karl and nurse Arnold were, his name was Jay. Of course obviously every medical personnel already know the story behind why I was there in the hospital. This nurse Jay constantly comes up to me to cheer me up and uplift my spirit. Kahit hindi siya ang nurse on duty at the OU he would come up to me and tell me "Okay lang 'yan gagaling ka rin, hindi mo deserve 'yan. 'Wag mo na uulitin 'yan. Basta magpagaling ka ha". His smile lightened up my day. He was a friend.
DAY 4
After several tests I was hoping to go home, I took a shower in OU's bathroom with the help of my cousin. I can't bare not taking a bath for days. I drank that activated charcoal, I had to so I can finally go home. It was time for another test to be done for the Gastrointestinal. I was given like a mouth spray that would put me to sleep, parang sleeping pill daw para makatulog ako sabi nung doctor kasi may ipapasok na camera through my mouth down my stomach to check if may damage or wala and kung anu pa man ang maging findings. And so nakatulog ako, the next thing I know gising na ako at pinabalik na sa OU.
DAY 5
Another day of hope that I can finally go home. Waited for the lab and test results. Okay naman lahat na ng results, except sa gastrointestinal na may scratch daw ung liver ko pero hindi naman major then binigyan ako ng reseta ng gamot. Mga 3pm dumating lolo ko sa hospital and sakto pinauwi na ako finally, kasama ko umuwi lolo ko and pinsan ko na binantayan at sinamahan ako sa 5-day stay ko sa hospital.
Never po siya nagpa-ramdam sa 5-days na nasa ospital ako, kahit text wala po. As in wala. 'Pag-uwi ko una ko na-realize na gusto kong mabuhay, na masarap mabuhay. Lahat ng sakit na pinagdaanan ko, tumumba man ako pero may mga taong nandyan at may mga taong darating para tulungan ako at hindi ako iwan. Hindi lahat ng pagmamahal ay tama, hindi lahat ng pagmamahal ay mali. Mas dapat kong ipasalamat na dumating siya sa buhay ko para masaktan ako, tumumba at malaman na mas malakas na ako ngayon na kaya kong bumangon muli. Buuhin ang sarili ko at pag dating ng tamang panahon ay magmahal muli. Dahil sa kanya nalaman ko kung hanggang saan at kung gaano ko kayang magmahal ng lubusan, kung gaano katindi ang pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay. Hindi ko kailangan magalit sa lahat ng lalake at sabihin na lahat sila ay babaero at manloloko dahil lang ganun ang ginawa sa akin. Naniniwala pa rin ako na meron pa rin mga lalakeng loyal at faithful.
Sa ngayon po, patuloy kong ine-enjoy ang buhay ko at nagpapasalamat sa Diyos na binuhay pa rin niya ako. Inaayos ko ang sarili ko ngayon. Ang mga bagay na hindi ko kayang gawin mag-isa noon ay sinubukan kong gawin mag-isa ngayon, tulad ng manood ng sine mag-isa, kumain sa labas mag-isa, lahat mag-isa. Mas minamahal ko ang sarili ko ngayon kesa noon dahil ang pagmamahal sa sarili, sa pamilya, at sa Diyos ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat.
Ang kwento ko po ay tungkol sa pag-ibig na hindi ko akalain kaya kong ibigay. Gusto ko po ipamahagi ito sa lahat upang malaman nila na hindi tama isugal at kitilin ang buhay dahil lamang sa pag-ibig. At na ang pag-ibig ay pag-ibig. Kahit sobrang masaktan bumangon pa rin at maniwala sa pag-ibig.
Ako po si Nicole at kaka-graduate ko lang po sa high school two years ago, tuwang-tuwa po hindi lang ako kundi ang buong pamilya ko nung maka-pasa ako sa sa UST dahil quota course po ang course choice ko. At nag-aral po ako ng 2 years of college doon, I took up AB Political Science. Okay naman po ang lahat sa simula nakakapag-aral ako ng mabuti, nakapasa ako sa lahat ng organization na sinalihan ko at naging officer pa.
Pero nasira po ang lahat ng iyon ng nagsimula akong magloko sa pag-aaral inuna ang barkada at ang mga gala panay ang inom at paglalasing. Kasi hanggang ngayon po meron pa rin sa akin na hindi ko ma-let go ung sakit na naghiwalay ang mga magulang ko nung 3years old ako. Nakita kong binubugbog ni Daddy si Mommy, sinisisi niya si Mommy na nanlalalake kahit na todo kayod si Mommy para buhayin ako at tulungan si Daddy sa bahay at sa in-laws niya dahil wala kaming sariling bahay nakikitira lang kami sa 3rd floor ng bahay ng parents ni Daddy. Sobra pong babaero si Daddy, hindi man siya nagsisigarilyo at nakikipag-tagay, hindi rin nagsusugal pero grabe mambabae. Sinugal niya ang pamilya niya kami nina Mommy para lang sa babae niya. Almost 4years old po ako nun nung naghiwalay sila, nakita ko kung paano bugbugin ni Daddy si Mommy, na nung buntis si Mommy sa kapatid ko tinali niya si Mommy tapos sumisigaw siya galit na galit at may hawak na itak. Sobra akong mahal ni Daddy kahit ganun siya kaya tumakbo ako mula sa gilid ng kwarto kung saan iyak ako ng iyak, tumakbo ako at niyakap si Mommy. Muntik na siya patayin ni Daddy, kinalampag ng lolo at lola ko ang pinto ng kwarto namin sa 3rd floor pero hinabol sila ni Daddy ng itak pababa ng hagdan. Ang sumunod na alam ko na lang po nangyari ay isang madaling araw habang tulog si Daddy na yakap ang kapatid kong lalake na mga 7months pa lang ay nag-impake kami ni Mommy ng gamit at tinakasan si Daddy. Nagtaxi kami at umuwi kami sa bahay ng magulang ni Mommy, sinalubong kami ng lola ko at 2 uncle ko (lolo ko nasa barko ng panahon na iyon at ang tita ko nasa bahay ng asawa niya). Iyak kami ng iyak lahat at galit na galit sila dahil puro pasa ang buong katawan ni Mommy pati ang mukha niya punong-puno ng namamagang pasa. At simula nun hindi na sila nagkabalikan dahil nagbanta pala ang babae ni Daddy na magpapakamatay siya kapag iniwan siya ni Daddy, kaya ang ginawa ni Daddy pinili niya ung babae niya kesa sa amin na pamilya niya.
Never ako nagtanim ng sama ng loob sa Daddy ko kahit ganun pa man dahil laging pinapaalala ni Mommy na kahit ganun ay Daddy ko pa rin un kaya hindi ako dapat magalit sa kanya. Nag-aral ako sa isang all-girls school (St. Scholastica's College Manila), at habang lumalaki na kung saan sa grade school madalas ung activity sa lahat ng class na draw your family, describe your family, lahat about sa family. Hindi ko mapigilan umiyak. Lalo na kapag dismissal tapos makikita ko mga classmates ko or kahit na sino na parehong parents ang sumusundo samantalang ako si Mommy or si Daddy lang never silang dalawa. Hanggang sa nag-high school ako at 2nd year HS lumipat ako sa Malate Catholic School na kung saan unti-unti kong natanggap na hinding-hindi na magkakabalikan ang mga magulang ko. Pero nung mga simula kapag nag-aaway sila lagi kahit hiwalay na sila madalas dahil sa tuition, pinipili kong saktan ng pisikal ang sarili ko (naglalaslas ako) kesa makita at marinig na nag-aaway sila. Natigil lang iyon ng mga 3rd year ako. Nagka-boyfriend si Mommy for one year tinanggap namin siya tulad ng pag tanggap namin sa babae ni Daddy (na hanggang ngayon kasama niya at nagllive-in na sila pero nambababae pa rin si Daddy) pero paglipas ng isang taon naghiwalay sila, nasasaktan akong makitang nasasaktan ng sobra ang Mommy ko. Huli ko siyang nakitang nasaktan ng sobra at umiyak ng ganun ay ung nag hiwalay sila ni Daddy, napapansin kong lumalaki ang tyan ni Mommy pero wala naman siyang sinasabi pero malakas na ang kutob ko na buntis siya until after 5months kinausap niya kami ng kapatid ko na si Yet. Inamin niya na buntis siya at tanggapin namin ang baby 'wag kami magagalit kasi wala naman siyang kasalanan. Lalong gumuho ang puso ko, hindi pa ako nakaka-ahon ng tuluyan sa paghihiwalay ng magulang ko kahit ilang years na ang nakakalipas tapos eto naman. Nung una hirap na hirap akong tanggapin hanggang sa naisip ko na tama naman, hindi kasalanan nung baby at kawawa siya dahil hindi man lang siya inako ng Daddy niya at buti na lang mahal siya ng Daddy namin kaya ang kinikilala niyang Daddy ay ang Daddy namin ni Yet. Mahal namin ni Yet ang kapatid namin na si Kian.
Going back, nung nag simula nga po ako mag-loko sa pag-aaral ko sa UST nung 2nd year college po ako pinatigil nila ako mag-aral. Nag-stop po ako ng 2nd sem dahil nga sinasayang ko lang ang tuition, okay naman grades ko kaso sa sobrang hiya ko na rin dahil sa kagagawan ko lumipat ako ng FEU. Pero habang stop po ako nung 2nd sem naisipan ko po mag-part time modeling, kung saan naman po kahit konti kumikita ako at nag-aabot po ako kay Mommy. Gumigimik pa rin po ako pero hindi na po tulad ng dati na pakawala uminom. I was the typical type of a young and free teenage girl with hopes and dreams, though I was a player and bit bitchy and so flirty, I still believe that love is real and I believe in all those idealistic things about love that novels and movies depicts.
Until one day nakilala ko si Kel, who is also a player himself. Nagkakilala kami unexpectedly at a very unexpected moment, place and time and everything else was history. We both changed for each other; changed for the better. From being both a player to being both a faithful lover willing to risk it all for love's sake. Nagkakilala kami kung kelan nung araw na 'yun ay photoshoot ko ng umaga sa UP at ng afternoon until evening rehearsal ko po para sa ramp kinabukasan, sa park po sa tapat ng UMAK ang place. Biglang nagtext sa akin mga kaibigan ko na nasa SM North EDSA pumunta raw ako kasi namimiss na nila ako. Pag tapos ng rehearsal dumiretso ako sa MRT pero sobrang daming tao, sobrang-sobrang dami kaya bumaba na lang ako kahit na may ticket na ako, hindi ako familiar sa Guadalupe Station at kung paano pumunta ng SM North galing dun. Nag-antay at naghanap ako ng cab pero lahat may sakay, pa-lowbatt na cellphone ko. Nag-antay ako ng FX pero wala rin kaya nag bus ako, naka-tayo ako sa buong byahe dahil sobrang daming tao. 2% na lang battery life ng phone ko. At ng nasa SM North na ako nagdeadbatt na phone ko, papasok sana ako ng mall pero 11:20pm na sarado na kaya nagtanong ako sa mga nasa kiosk sa labas ng mall if may charger sila kaso lahat wala. Nagtanong ako sa guard kung saan may Mini Stop kaso malayo pa raw kayo tinuro niya sa akin ang 7-eleven na tabi ng Andok's sa may pagbaba ng footbridge. Buti available ang charging station at pumunta ang friend kong si Kirk doon na may kasamang 3 pang hindi ko kilala, sa kanila na raw ako sumabay sabi ni Kirk kasi pa-Manila naman daw ung 3 na un. (1 lalaki at 2 babae)
May kotse naman daw kasi itong si Kel. So syempre dahil late ako dumating at nakakahiya sa harap na ako sumakay para rin naman hindi siya mag mukhang driver namin. Along the way nung nasa Manila area na kami, tinatamad din itong sina Rose Ann and Jacque umuwi and since sila lang naka-inom at sobrang gusto kong uminom nag-aya ako uminom in short. Payag naman sila agad, so dinala kami ni Kel sa isang inuman yet chill place malapit sa bahay ko. Okay naman the whole time, magkatapat kami ni Kel sa table, katabi ko si Rose Ann at katabi niya si Jacque. Ang awkward kung paano ako titigan nitong Kel na ito.
Mahina pala uminom sina Rose Ann and Jacque so inubos namin ni Kel ang remaining drinks dahil sayang naman then we all ha breakfast at a fast food, it was already 4am when we decided to go home. Oh I almost forgot I had to go to the office pa pala to get my photos. Saglit lang ng tulog ko; I sent everyone in my contact a message na naghahanap ako ng magpapahiram sa akin ng flash disk (USB) and most of them wala "daw".
SMS
Kel: Meron ako flash disk, you can borrow it but how will I be able to lend it to you?
Me: Ahh kita na lang tayo somewhere.
Kel: Sige. Puntahan na lang kita sa inyo para 'di ka ma-hassle.
Me: Okay. See you!
He came naman talaga and to my surprise pag-abot niya nung flash disk bagong bili dahil naka-seal pa!
CONVO (CONVERSATION)
Me: Hala! Sabi ko extra eh kasi kukunin ko lang naman yung files then ibabalik ko rin agad after.
Kel: Okay lang 'yan (smirks). Oh how are you going to get there nga pala?
Me: I'm going to take the train.
Kel: Tara hatid na kita sa train station. Sorry ha I can't bring you there, actually kasi may class pa ako ang sabi ko lang sa prof mag-cr Lang ako.
Me: Oh gosh! Grabe sorry and super thank you ah. Kahiya grabe. Sorry talaga.
(In my head) Urgh! Na inis talaga ako nakakahiya sobra!!!
Kel: Here's the train station na
Me: Hey, sobrang thank you ah. I appreciate it so much
Kel: Don't mention it
As I was going up the stairs heading to the train station itself, hindi niya inaandar pa ung car talagang he waited na mawala ako sa paningin niya. Kilig overload na ito! He's not my type though kasi naman he's too short for a guy. He's not handsome but he's cute, but he's not tall talaga eh.
When I got home from the office and got my files with me, I just went home to get ready because later I have a ramp. Another tiring and busy day for me as usual. When I got there my co-models were already rehearsing, and I joined them. Hours after we were all getting ready for the big night.
SMS
Kel: Hi, good luck sa ramp mo ^_^
*Waaa! Naalala niya okay so kilig. Pero kinakabahan talaga na ako ang daming tao, I might trip and slip kahiya!
SMS
Me: Thank you Kel pero grabe talaga I am so nervous.
Kel: Don't be. Kaya mo 'yan!
Me: How can you say so? Ang pauso mo naman.
Kel: Ganito na lang, close your eyes.
Me: Why muna?
Kel: Close your eyes first then I will tell you why after you do it.
Me: I did closed my eyes na. Why ba?
Kel: When you close your eyes just think that I am there with you.
Hindi na ako nag-reply kay Kel at nag-ramp na. Okay. Ramp na, I am getting more nervous than ever. Bago ako mag-ramp pinikit ko mga mata ko at inisip na kasama ko si Kel. Yes!!! Nagawa ko whoa!
SMS
Me: Kel! Done na set ko yey!
Kel: Great! Hey may tarpaulin pala kayo sa labas niyang venue nuh?
Me: How did you know?
Kel: I just passed-by kasi to check if the surroundings are okay to know if you'd be safe.
Aba! Aba! Bolerong natural ito ahh. After my ramp I went with my other friends Lala and Rein, Kel waited for me to text him that I am home na. Eh I got home at 5am the next day na. What's with him ba that he often makes me feel special? Sobrang bilis naman parang speed of light. Pero why am I feeling so kilig nga ba?
A week after Kel invited me, Rose Ann and Jacque to have dinner and watch a movie at his house. He asked us to bring movies that we want to watch so I brought my favorite, a great Indian movie entitled: The Three Idiots.
He cooked sinigang for dinner and in fairness masarap siya magluto. Nakakahiya lang kasi ka-babae kong tao pero hindi ako marunong magluto. Weeks had passed, it has been a month or two now and again Kel invited us to their rest house at Canyon Ranch at Carmona, Cavite. Unfortunately Jacque wasn't able to join us. Rose Ann, Kel, and I spent the night there relaxing and watching various genres of movies on his laptop. Rose Ann went to bed early, Kel and I had a moment to talk about random stuffs. It was like the time stood still and when we went back to Manila everything was history.
Kel made a video for me wherein from the exact convenient store at the exact spot where he saw mw, he was holding a piece of paper that says "Kel loves Nicole". The convenient store, the bar where we went and the fast food, the video was composed of 50 random people holding that piece of paper: "Kel loves Nicole". I was so surprised because andun din ung mga ka-organization ko and my mentors as well, even some of Kel's family and Rose Ann and Jacque too. A tear dropped from my eyes as well as Kel's too. How can something so extraordinary happen just as fast as a month.
One evening...
SMS
Kel: Nasa bahay ka?
Me: Yes. Why?
(20mins had passed no reply yet)
(My phone rings)
Me: Hello?
Kel: Baba ka saglit
Me: Ha? Why? Sobrang lakas kaya ng ulan.
(I went down)
Si Kel nasa labas ng house ko with no umbrella, sobrang basa sa ulan.
CONVO
Me: Baliw ka ba?!?
Kel: (hands over a box of brownies) Gusto ko Lang naman ibigay sayo ito eh, kasi alam ko favorite mo ito.
Me: Eh sino ba nag sabi sayo naman na magpa basa ka sa ulan?
Kel: Hindi naman ako dapat magpapabasa sa ulan. Inabutan Lang ako, eh wala akong umbrella and I can't wait to see you so here I am
A different day...
Kel fetched me at my house and when I was inside the car na I was surprised that Elvis gave me a Conti's chocolate cake (one of my favorites) with a card that says... "I just simply want to thank you for coming into my life."
Another different day...
Kel went to see me
CONVO
Kel: Hey ang kulang ko na lang sa requirements to go to Germany is for me to pass my interview
Me: Oh really? Good luck! kaya mo 'yan, ikaw pa!
Kel: Mamimiss mo ba ako?
Me: Ano ba namang klaseng tanong iyan? Syempre naman
(I suddenly hugged him so tight and then burst out in tears)
Me: Pwede ba na dito ka na lang sa akin? Paano tayo? Paano ako? Stay with me please. Dito ka na lang 'wag ka na umalis, 'wag mo ako iwan
Kel: (teary-eyed, hugged me even tighter)
Summer is almost over, malapit na ang birthday ni Kel. What can I do to make him happy kaya? Hmmm... I know, I will invite his closest friends and his best friend over to come and join us for dinner.
My list for Kel's 24th birthday:
•Cake
•Venue
•His closest friends and his best friend
•Video
•Balloons
•Banner
•Gifts
•Photographer and videographer
Got everything done and prepared na for his birthday. I've never even done this before for anyone not even for my family, I don't understand why is he this important to me. I mean like I prepared and planned everything alone that's just WOW! I hope it would make him happy and feel special.
KEL'S BIRTHDAY
SMS
Me: Punta ka na here.
Kel: Okay. I'd be there in a bit.
*So nervous, everything is already set and all of his friends are here na.
SMS
Kel: I'm here na at the door
Me: Okay.
And I fetched him at the entrance of the restaurant...
CONVO
Kel: Why do you look so nervous? Ano meron?
Me: I'm going to treat you dinner 'coz it's your birthday.
(Reaches the function room)
GUESTS: "Happy Birthday Kel!!!"
(Slide show on the white screen started to play)
(Crew of the restaurant started to serenade Kel)
Kel's face was so priceless, ang teary-eyed niya. Accomplished! Pero bakit teary-eyed din ako? The party ended just right and just in time. Magnifico! We brought Jacque home (Rose Ann wasn't able to attend 'coz she has colds). As soon as Jacque got off from the car Kel hugged me so tight and cried, he thanked me and we both cried. Is this love? Is love doing mushy and silly things for the other? Things that you never thought you'd do to anyone in your whole life. You were once too prideful that you never imagined of doing it but it became unexpectedly possible.
Kel told me the news about his application for Germany was denied because he intentionally failed his interview, his family not knowing about it wanted him to re-apply but he refused to do so. He stayed with me, though it was a big opportunity waiting for him there. It's a childish decision, impractical but he did it for this foolish thing called love.
Everything was smooth sailing and after two months it's now my birth month and only few days to go before my birthday. Exact midnight of my birthday I was already sleeping and the lights were already off when there was a tiny light on top of my head that woke me up, to my surprise it was Kel holding a birthday cake for me and singing 'Happy Birthday'. Not only that but he also has gifts for me, a book ('coz he knows I'm quite a bibliophile), an earphone ('coz I'm a music lover), and a purple bag that I wanted. Kel stayed for a couple of minutes and left.
The morning came and and we just had lunch out and strolled around but what I didn't know was that the next day would be a blast.
I was wondering why everyone at home left, seemed like everyone was so busy and has to go somewhere all at once. I gave it a benefit of the doubt 'coz at times it does happen.
SMS
Kel: Nicole get ready, I'm going to pick you up in a while.
Me: Why? Where are we going?
Kel: I'm going to bring you somewhere.
Kel fetched me at my house and headed to a fast food. I was curious because we didn't went straight to the counter, Kel was holding my hand as we reached the stairs going up. And to my surprise everyone was there and yes, there was a birthday party for me. I looked around and my whole family, friends from various groups, godparents, and closest friends even relatives were there. I hugged Kel and we both burst out in tears. He threw out a kiddie party for my last year of being a teenager. Everyone enjoyed, it was so priceless.
It was time for me to make a wish and blow my birthday cake and my family gave me a heart touching message. Kel's turn to give a birthday message, he wasn't ashamed nor hesitant to tell in front of everyone that I deserve all the best there is and that he loves me more than love itself.
I never thought na dadating pa 'yung guy na hindi mahihiya na sabihin at ipaalam sa harap ng lahat ng taong importante sa akin na mahal niya ako. I was hoping that someone would do that last year nung debut ko. It's a year late though, but still fairy tale come true. I am very and incredibly blessed to have Kel. Hours turned into days, days into weeks, weeks into months. Hello 'BER' month! We kept on going somewhere they've never been and doing activities they've never done. Picnics, extreme sports etc.
Our first plane ride together was when me and my family were off for a vacation at Boracay, Kel came with us. We had so much fun for four days and three nights. Activities here and there, that white beach and warm seawater, awesome view was so relaxing. Banana boat, Parasailing, ATV, 3D Art Museum, Zorb Ball, and strolling along the beach.
Months came by so quickly and it was Kel's uncle's wedding day. I was invited, I brought my cousin Luz with me. It was well and at the reception Kel didn't joined her first cousins at the table instead he joined me and his second degree cousins (whom my cousin and I were sharing the same table). Magical feeling because Kel was so proud of me and introduced her to everyone at the party. After the program we went goofing around, took a sit on the bride and groom's seat like we're the next ones who's going to get married.
2013
Everything was smooth sailing
Hello NEW YEAR! We aren't in an official relationship yet and it pisses me off so much.
Kung pwede lang na ako na lang ang magtanong eh. Nakaka-inis kasi! We both love each other naman, our families are okay, we're okay, everything's fine. What else is missing pa ba?
Until Valentine's Day came. We had a heart-shaped personalized chocolate for our loved ones that they gave to them a day before Valentine's. And the day before itself I had already prepared a surprise for Kel, and so I went to Kel's house while he was still sleeping. I had petals scattered on Kel's bed where he was sleeping soundly, I filled the white board in his room with cut-outs of heart post-its with different languages of 'I love you', and an arrow leading to the formal dining room where I placed my surprised. And there in the dining room were petals arranged in a heart shape, a heart-shaped cartolina with Kel's full name written on it with an 'I love you'. As soon as everything was already set, I went back to Kel's room to wake him up. I turned on a song entitled "Perfect Moment" then placed our dog on his face so he would wake up. When he woke up he saw every surprise I have for him, when he reached the dining room he found me there and he hugged me so tight crying and saying "I love you more than love itself".
Afternoon of the same day, Kel fetched me at school with a bouquet of three beautifully blossomed red roses with lovely white tulips. The very best bouquet I have ever accepted to receive. And we had dinner at a buffet restaurant (Saisaki at UN Ave), as soon as we were almost done with our plates Kel pulled out a tin can and gave it to me. I was so surprised when I open it because it was the watch that I've been longing for, the watch that I even dreamed to have whenever I see in on buses. Kel pulled out a letter inside the tin can and let me read it.
The last line says... "Today I am your Valentine but can I ask you one thing? Could I also be your boyfriend not only for today but until I come to ask your hand in matrimony. You and me together, and forever with God binding us. Happy Valentine's Day and happy first day of our forever."
Sobrang totoo ba talaga ito? Is this really happening? Since I was a kid it may sound funny and crazy but I have been praying to God na yung taong magtatanong sa akin to be his girl on mismong Valentine's Day ay yun ang sign na binigay siya sa akin ni God. I looked at him after reading the letter and I gave him my 'yes' with teary-eyed and he hugged me while sniffing 'coz he was teary-eyed too. And so it is official we are now in a relationship!
An incident happened wherein nilalagnat ako for a couple of days na tapos I tried going to school, sumakay ako ng LRT Line 1 pero sobrang nahilo ako and nung nasa Central Terminal Station na I suddenly fainted, may matandang lalake na gay na sobrang bait na kumarga sa akin at dinala ako sa clinic dun sa gilid ng station mismo. And nung medyo naging okay na ako tinext ko si Kel na nasa work pa, bigla niya akong pinuntahan agad at inalagaan. Siya ang super RN ko. Inuwi niya muna ako sa kanila dahil walang magbabantay sa akin doon sa bahay namin dahil lahat ng tao umalis, inalagaan niya ako at ng pamilya niya. Chineck din ako ng mommy niya na isang doctor. Then everything went as okay as it is naman.
Holy Week nag-Visita Iglesia kami ng 7 churches and 2 stations of the cross each church with my family. Okay as it is naman lahat, smooth sailing though at times may tampuhan and away syempre pero hindi kami nagbbreak.
Feels so good, so perfect, unexpected, magical. Never knew that a fantasy could become reality and that a dream can come true in real life. We were more in love with each other more than ever. More outdoor activities and gastronomic adventures here and there until my paranoia invaded my whole system.
I was stalking Facebook accounts and I found a photo of him and his family with his ex, it was dated 2010. I don't know why I feel so jealous 'coz they were so close to her and I kept on scrolling only to find out that the same girl was present during his uncle's wedding and no one even told me about who she is, I even asked who she was during the wedding 'coz his whole family seemed to like her very much. From then on I became so possessive, overprotective, paranoid and all. You know why? Kasi I feel so indifferent kahit tanggap nila ako. Iba naman kasi ang tanggap sa gusto, it's shallow but you'll never understand me until you feel how I do. Then we often argue often na and most of the time about stupid things.
Sobra akong naging selosa na hindi ko naisip na dapat matuwa ako dahil proud siya sa akin, pero hindi ko alam eh. Bakit ganun, bakit ganito. Napadalas yung pag sundo and pag hatid ko sa kanya sa work and school, napabayaan ko na sarili ko at studies ko sa sobrang takot na mawala at maagaw siya sa akin. Hindi ko naisip na hindi na nakakatuwa ang ginagawa ko, na nakakasakal na ako, sumo sobra na. Hindi na out of love lahat ng ginagawa ko, slight obsession and mostly fear of losing him na. But still he never gave me up. Ako at ang pangit kong attitude.
He never gave up on me. He showed me more na ako lang talaga ang mahal niya, na wala nang iba pa kundi ako. Kahit na sobrang selosa at possessive ko na. Surprises here and there that are from the heart to secure and assure her of his love for me. It even came to a point wherein nainis na ang family ni Kel sa akin because of my "attitude" daw (kasi they've never seen Kel so in love, kaya may attitude raw ako) but Kel stood up for me, that made them more angry with me because Kel had never answered back at them since he was young. They kept on wondering what's with me that had Kel so much in love with me.
I lost so much weight that from sexy and hot I became so skinny that I will pass as a model of skeletal system inside a science room. Kel put so much effort to make me better and bring back the happiness in me. But sobrang pasaway ko, everyday I was becoming more selosa, becoming worse than yesterday. Kel still kept on loving me despite it all.
Birthday na ulit ni Kel. I need to make this better and more memorable than last year. Photobooth, magician, lighting balloons, tarpaulin, 100 birthday greetings, personalized cake and cupcakes, his family and my family, gifts, photographer and videographer, birthday letters for him from his family and my family and some of his friends. Thank God maayos ulit ang lahat. Success!
I planned his 25th birthday na mas special kesa sa 24th dahil syempre silver year eh. Mas dobleng effort at surprise na ako lang nag-asikaso, this time family niya at family ko lang ang invited. May led balloons, letter balloons ng full name niya, personalized cake and cupcakes, videographer and photographer, photo booth, tarpaulin na collage na may 100 na tao na fan sign ng "Happy Birthday Kel", 25 gifts ko for him, and may magician dahil favorite niya ang magician sa side niya na may pagka-child at heart.
Kel's efforts were much better than before. He surprisingly gave me red roses for nothing, there weren't any occasions it's just him showing how much he loves me.
Papasok na ako ng school then paglabas ko ng front door namin Kel was there.
CONVO
Kel: Tara hatid na kita sa school
Me: Wala ka pa tulog from work ahh
Kel: Okay lang. Just let me love you more each day
Birthday ko naman nag Tagaytay kami and Sta. Cruz, Laguna sa Isdaan Floating Restaurant kung saan akala mo nasa ibang bansa ka. Super duper ganda!
Christmas is drawing near. We had been through a lot, pain, love, sacrifices, etc. Start of Simbang Gabi is just days away. Another Christmas together, we always save up to buy gifts for both of our families. Not to brag but to show affection and appreciation. Christmas, may gifts kami para sa buong family niya at family ko galing sa aming dalawa.
2014
New year, new beginning, new phase of life. I'm still not okay, I haven't been okay for quite a while now but I'm not showing it to anyone not even to Kel. I was trapped in the fear of losing him that I forgot how to love him a little less so I can love myself a little more.
Hello February, the Love Month. Kel surprised me by going to my house in the middle of the night. Kel sent me an SMS that he's at our doorstep so when I opened the door Kel sang a phrase of a song...
Kel: (singing) "Puno ang langit ng bituin at kay lamig pa ng hangin, sayong tingin ako'y nababaliw galiw. At sa awitin kong ito, sana'y maibigan mo. Ibubuhos ko ang buong puso ko, sa isang munting harana para sayo."
We were both teary-eyed as usual and I hugged him so tight. Kel gave me three big red heart balloons, a box of her favorite Ferrero Rocher, a red rose and not just that he pulled out something from his pocket and it's what I was wanting to have but I never told him about it, it's a pandora's bracelet. Kel also gave my mom a red rose and a cake for Valentines. We of course also gave Kel's grandma and mom a Valentine gift. Love was definitely in the air.
Summer is fast approaching. We already had plans for summer, we both enrolled for summer class so that Kel can finish his second course right away since he is already done with his one-year contract at a government hospital (Fabella). He would have more sleep now that he's only studying because he was always so exhausted last year when he was studying and working at the same time but despite that he still has time for me. And I make it to a point to take care of him, fetch him at his house bring him to his work place and sometimes pick him up from school. Alam ko siya lang dapat gumagawa nun dahil siya ang lalake pero sobra ko siyang mahal para isipin pa na hindi ko dapat un gawin dahil babae ako. Kapag mahal mo, mahal mo. Ganun ka-simple.
He asked for the approval of my parents if I can come with him and his family for a 5-day vacation at Hong Kong and Macau. Entrusting me, their daughter to him and they can see how much he loves me, they allowed me to go with him.
HONG KONG AND MACAU TRIP
Hello Hong Kong! This is my first out of the country trip and I've been wanting to see double-deck buses, culture and art, etc. That smile on my face was so priceless. I enjoyed every moment with Kel and his family.
HK DAY 1
We dropped our bags off at the place where we would stay for 5-days and dined out. Explored Mongkok, tried to eat street foods there.
MACAU DAY 2
We went to explore the overwhelmingly beautiful place of Macau. Hotel tour. Different shows like the Dragon show and such, everything was so amazing and undeniably pleasing to one's eye especially to me who was having my first out of the country. Kel and I took a gondola ride at The Venetian Hotel with his mom.
HK DAY 3
It's every child's dream. Hello Disneyland! ;) a dreamy place. Rides here and there picture everywhere. It was like a fairy tale, a dream come true.
HK DAY 4
Ocean park time :)
Panda!!! The cable car ride that was so high you can already see the island that is beside it. Extreme rides awaits on the peak of the mountain.
At first I got scared to ride the Hair raiser, though I'm really a dare devil it's just that it's obviously my first time to ride a roller coaster abroad but Kel held my hand and assured me that he has my back. We roamed around the place and rode every ride there is.
HK DAY 5
It's a free day for everyone. Since there's twelve of us, we've all decided that we can go individually or wherever we want to for as long as we would go straight to the airport before our scheduled flight back to Manila. Kel and I went to the Avenue of Stars that was beside the sea, it was a remarkable place. Then we headed out to the Hong Kong Museum of Art where there was an exhibit by Ju Ming who sculpted styros. It's now time to go to the airport, good bye Hong Kong it has been a great 5-day stay.
The school year is about to start. We had a major fight, this fight that would change everything that we have, the fight that would take everything away from us. I was being more possessive and jealous than ever.
Nasa car niya kami then sobrang nasa climax kami ng anger. I pulled out a razor blade from my wallet and slashed my left wrist three times, the blood was overflowing as both of us kept crying and crying and crying. Super nagalit si Kel so he punched his face until nagkaron ng pasa ang face niya. It was such a terrible night na ginulo ng sobra ang isip ni Kel and that hurt me so much. Hindi ko alam paano umabot dito, okay naman kami. Grabeng selosa ako oo, pero hindi ko na maalala paano kami umabot sa ganito. Masama ba na matakot ka ng sobra na mawala sayo ang taong buong puso mong minahal?
It was weeks before Kel's 26th birthday. I tried to fix things between us though we're both terribly in pain and totally hurt.
While I was sleeping beside Kel...
Kel: Mahal na mahal kita kahit ang sakit-sakit mo sa ulo (kisses my forehead)
It's Kel's birthday na and na-wrong send siya ng "Mine" sa'kin.
Ano kaya itong "mine"? Iba ang pakiramdam ko dito. Kasi hindi pwedeng typo because of the SMS topic. Ang sama talaga ng pakiramdam ko about this. I better ask him when he comes here.
Kel denied the "Mine" issue but ever since that fight he is no longer sweet towards me and the feeling na lagi siyang irritated sa'kin and lagi siyang napipilitan whenever he's with me and all. I love him with all my heart 'coz ever since I had this belief that every guy is a womanizer like my dad, and si Kel lang ang nag-iisa na hindi ko inisipan ng ganun. I did everything to save our relationship that was falling apart and that is being taken away from me, and the guy who loved me more than anyone else is now letting me go.
I again secretly planned for Kel's birthday with Kel's classmates. Every poste outside Kel's school from the North Gate to South Gate (CEU Mendiola) were his classmates, each of them holding a balloon and a letter from me. When Kel reached the North Gate I was there holding a banner that says "Happy Birthday, I love you". People can easily notice me because everyone's uniform was white and I was wearing her school uniform which is black. Kinalimutan ko na babae ako at nilunok lahat ng pride at kakahiyan just to shout it out to the world how much I love Kel.
Galit pa rin ang family ni Kel sa akin because akala nila pinabugbog ko si Kel, and akala nila nabugbog si Kel but I didn't do anything. At times during ng OJT ni Kel sa Mercury Drug sa may Puregold Sta. Mesa, there was a time na sinurprise ko siya then lumabas siya at pinauwi ako, kahit na 6-hours na ako andun. Ayos lang, inintindi ko siya dahil mahal na mahal ko siya. Kahit na patuloy na siya sa pagtulak sa akin palayo. Madalas kapag magkasama kami pakiramdam ko parang nandidiri siya sa akin, ni hindi na niya hinahawakan ang kamay ko, hindi na siya nag-i-"I love you", hindi na niya ako niyayakap, wala na lahat. Lalong lumakas ang kutob ko dun sa "mine" na text pero patuloy ko po idedeny iyon sa sarili ko, dahil mahal na mahal na mahal ko siya. Kaya ayos na lang na masaktan ako wag lang siyang mawala sa akin.
We celebrated my 21st birthday at Tagaytay, Picnic Grove na superman zipline tapos pasyal lang dun. It was an okay day and I had dinner with my immediate family, I invited Kel to join us pero ayaw niya. The next day I went to Kel's house to apologize to his family kasi alam ko na sobrang-sobra na nahihirapan si Kel and it's killing me everyday na nahihirapan si Kel. I went inside the house crying and asking for forgiveness, I even knelt before the grandma and mother of Kel with overflowing tears. The spoiled brat who doesn't even know how to be sincere in saying 'sorry' now swallowed her pride just for the sake of this guy whom she loves more than herself. I was forgiven and things are now okay.
Only to find out when I went to Kel's room that he wasn't there. I called up Kel's classmate but Kel wasn't in school, his bag and school stuffs were at his room. I waited and because Kel's tablet was there I checked it kasi sobrang iba na talaga pakiramdam ko about what is happening.
I found out that Kel was talking to a girl name Kristine on Skype and that they talk for hours. It broke my heart because after that major fight Kel didn't even talked to me for even 3minutes on the phone.
It felt like I was being burned alive, the fire under my feet while being showered with freezing ice cold water on my head at the same time. It breaks me a bit more than being terribly broken. This girl says 'I love you' to him and he keeps on talking to her. Ang sakit sobrang sakit.
We talked about this girl and I let it pass because I understand why he is doing such to me, may it be pointless but I love him that much to bear all the pain there is. I caught him numerous times with random evidences of him flirting with random girls just this year because the first two years he was obviously and outstandingly faithful, but still I forgave him even though I'm already dying. Hours to days, days to weeks, weeks to month until someone unexpectedly messaged me on Facebook sending a link of a random girl whose profile picture was with Kel, and when I checked the girl's account it was confirmed that this girl is in a relationship with Kel just few months ago until now. In short, nung birthday ko monthsary nila at kaya siya wala nung sa bahay the day after ng birthday ko ay dahil nag celebrate sila ng monthsary. June 17 naging sila, birthday ni Kel ng June 30 siya ung "mine" na na-wrong send si Kel sa akin. This is a different girl, her name was Shell. I didn't sleep, stayed awake the whole midnight and rushed to Kel's house at around 5am. We talked, the Nicole that once always shouted is now feeling so weak that whispered "Who is she?". Sa sobrang mahal ko siya, I told him na "Okay Lang kahit dalawa kami, kahit marami pa kami 'wag ka Lang mawala sa akin." Kel kept on telling me to let go of him pero ayaw ko. I love him so much, he was me everything when I had nothing and when I had everything as well. I'd give up everything for him even my life if I need to, he was my Prince Charming, my dream come true, my happily ever after, my knight in shining armor, my love, my life, my strength, my weakness, my miracle, he was all that there is that I'll ever want and need. Everyday I died just for him to live. How can this happen to a love that was so right? How can a love so strong just fall apart and break into pieces that no one can ever mend? Was this it? Were we meant to leave each other's path this way? This pain, this hurt, this agony... hearts bleeding, tears flowing, what happened to a love that was meant to last? Could this be the final chapter of our love or the sequel would be in few years after or maybe in another lifetime?
My heart breaking, and I don't know how can I heal now alone because I know deep inside that we're falling apart. I finally then agreed for a break up though I know I'd be back from the start because everything I ever had emotionally, all the love I kept locked in the depth of my heart I freed it and gave it all to Kel. I was so fragile, I was generalizing that no man can ever be loyal and faithful but this guy unexpectedly came along and he was the only exception. But how can this guy whom loved this girl so much break her heart terribly in the end? How can he have made her his life when in the end he would leave her lifeless and live his life alone?
This brokenhearted girl then went to each one of the family members of Kel, I hugged them all and bid them farewell, even the dogs in the terrace I bid them farewell. Kel went with me at the terrace where the dogs were, it was an open area and I then looked in the sky, fell on my knees crying out loud asking God why did He let this happen to us, do I deserve to be hurt ever since? Do I deserve all the betrayal and loss of love? We were both crying hysterically and the rest of the last time we saw each other was history. Kel escorted me to the train station, and that was the last time that we looked deeply into each other's eyes no words spoken but rather hearts broken.
Just after a week I saw a photo of Shell and Kel at Kel's house, it broke me more than ever. The Nicole that was strong her whole life now was losing grip of everything, the pain was already unbearable. I tried to get back on my feet and just let it go and continue living my life. But how? How can you continue living when every love was swept away? Another week had passed, I was terribly down but chose not to let anyone know and kept it all to myself. I know what is right from wrong, I'm a practicing Catholic but all these were blocked out from my mind when I overdosed myself thinking and wishing that Kel would visit me and I'd see him again, talk to him, and for him to ask for forgiveness. A simple sorry would do.
Was hospitalized for five days (26th to 30th of September 2014)
26th of September 2014 around 7am I was rushed to PGH (Philippine General Hospital) by our helper Ate Maylen Cabanada, right then and there I was attended to by several doctors and nurses.
I was feeling so loopy, groggy and all, my hearing was temporarily impaired it was like hearing the buzzing sound of a bee in my ear. I was vomiting and excreting blood at the same time. As I was vomiting blood, it tasted like metal (eww! yuck!). I was still conscious when I we reached the hospital, (we rode a sidecar on our way there), we even looked for where the ER (Emergency Room) was and we kinda got lost because the hospital was quite huge. Going back, as I was being attended to by doctors and nurses she hurriedly contacted my parents and let them know about my condition.
I was feeling so weak like I'm going to faint any time. They checked my blood pressure, and took a blood sample, took my left hand and had a dextrose (IV fluid) in it (doesn't really hurt like the way most people told me). Soon after they told me that I need this thing called 'NGT' (Nasogastric Tube) that passes through my nostrils and down to my stomach. When the nurse was placing it in my nose, his instructions were to just swallow (and so I did as I was told). It hurt, A LOT! I swear A LOT! I find it hard to breath and to swallow, I almost vomited. Then they placed me on a wheelchair, and had me in the corner of the room with machines on my body, I think it was ECG (Electrocardiogram). After few hours my mom came, I was still feeling so weak. She looked at me and said nothing, but the way she looked at me felt like she was hugging me and giving me comfort from all the pain I have inside of me. Several minutes after dad came with his best friend (my god father) Ninong Andeng. Same as mom, dad didn't say anything he just looked at me at brushed his fingers through my hair. Ate May, my mom, my dad and Ninong Andeng took care of all that needs to be done such as the blue card, equipments, medicines, etc.
Once in a while there would be someone with a clip board asking me about my condition (which kinda gets me irritated not because they kept on asking the same question but because I needed to answer them with a tube in my nostrils that's kinda stuck up my throat). And so I told them the story of why I was there and such. Most of the time I was sleeping, trying to gain back my strength.
I was in that small corner with a divider for hours, until night came or was it just around 5pm? When finally they had a vacant bed at the ACU (Ambulatory Care Unit), when I was already lying on the bed, I felt more comfort to sleep (rather than trying to sleep peacefully while sitting on the wheel chair of course). I slept, slept, and slept. When evening came and everyone was visiting me, my cousins where there, my grandfather and his brother (which is obviously my grandfather as well), my brother Wyeth, my mom, my dad, Ninong Andeng, and others. I can barely recall those who came over to see me, I was like in a state of comatose. Because I can barely move any part of my body, nor open my eyes and even respond. But I can hear all their conversations, my brain was actively awake but my body was almost as dead as it almost was. I kept on praying to God, talking to him saying... "Papa God, I'm still alive am I? Please tell me I'm not in a state of coma. Please tell me I'm alive. I'm dead emotionally, spiritually but please not mentally and most of all not physically. I still want to live. I'm sorry for what I have done."
I was so thin that I would pass a corpse, a zombie, or even a model of the skeletal system in a Science Laboratory. Midnight came when all I know is that my mom was the only left there with me, when a certain nurse came and transferred me to the OU (Observation Unit) just across the ACU. He asked me if I can walk and I said yes, he accompanied me to the OU as he was holding my dextose and my hand, and I was holding my NGT in my other hand, mom carried the stuffs.
OU's ambiance was quite more relaxing compared to the ACU wherein they were reviving people here and there, while some aren't as lucky to be revived as others are. In the OU there were less people, and my bed was in front of a huge electric fan (quite good for a place without an air-conditioner (why would I be choosy? Of course I know it's a public hospital)), facing the nurse station.
DAY 2
I was still feeling kinda loopy and groggy but not same as the first day. Now, I am conscious. Nurses kept on putting this black substance on my NGT and pumping it through the tuba ll the way down my stomach. They say it's called 'Activated Charcoal'. I'm not allowed to eat yet nor drink (even water). My mom and my cousin Lovely took me to the X-ray room and back to the OU. Bored the whole day, I just talked to God in my head. I slept the whole after but find it hard to do so because of the NGT blocking my throat. A nurse named Arnold was the one in duty, I told him I'm finding the NGT very uncomfortable and so he asked me if I'm willing to drink the activated charcoal without the NGT and I said yes. So he had it requested/endorsed to the head or super visor or what to have it removed instead. The first nurse whom I asked if it could be removed said no. Well, it's okay. He's just doing his work. The request was granted. Thank you Nurse Arnold! YES! The NGT was removed, what a relief. It was being pulled out from my nostrils which caused a bit of bleeding which was necessary. My throat felt so dry like it had never had a taste of water ever. I was already allowed to eat and drink but not too much. My warden was my closest cousin Lovely.
Evening came when dad was there beside me, I kept on begging dad to contact him. Let him know that I'm in the hospital, I tried so hard to let go and move on but it was just too hard and so painful that it continually kills and tears me up inside. I was crying and flooded in tears and dad strongly said 'no'. He said..."Anak, hindi mo alam kung gaano kasakit sa akin makita kang nandito at ganyan ng dahil sa kanya. Tapos gusto mo kausapin ko ung taong dahilan kung bakit nandito ka? Para ano? Kaawaan ka? Kausapin ka? Anak hindi ka ganyan, matapang ka. Kahit nung naghiwalay kami ng mommy mo at sa lahat ng sakit at hirap na piangdaanan mo hindi ka sumuko, ngayon lang. Sobrang sakit para sa isang magulang makitang sinaktan ng sobra ang anak na pinakamamahal niya. 'Yung anak niyang pinahalagahan at minahal ng sobra sinaktan at niloko lang ng sobrang ng kung sino."
Dad's words struck me. Dad is a man of few words, he's not the type of saying long enough words. Maybe I just really loved him more than so that's why here I am hurting all alone and he's out there with the girl whom he chose over me being so happy with her. Not giving a damn thing about me being in the hospital that I almost died.
DAY 3
It was just me and my cousin again. Mom slept in the hospital beside me and my cousin but left earlier than usual because she has work. Another nurse was on duty. He was literally tall, dark, and handsome. He was as friendly and approachable as nurse Karl and nurse Arnold were, his name was Jay. Of course obviously every medical personnel already know the story behind why I was there in the hospital. This nurse Jay constantly comes up to me to cheer me up and uplift my spirit. Kahit hindi siya ang nurse on duty at the OU he would come up to me and tell me "Okay lang 'yan gagaling ka rin, hindi mo deserve 'yan. 'Wag mo na uulitin 'yan. Basta magpagaling ka ha". His smile lightened up my day. He was a friend.
DAY 4
After several tests I was hoping to go home, I took a shower in OU's bathroom with the help of my cousin. I can't bare not taking a bath for days. I drank that activated charcoal, I had to so I can finally go home. It was time for another test to be done for the Gastrointestinal. I was given like a mouth spray that would put me to sleep, parang sleeping pill daw para makatulog ako sabi nung doctor kasi may ipapasok na camera through my mouth down my stomach to check if may damage or wala and kung anu pa man ang maging findings. And so nakatulog ako, the next thing I know gising na ako at pinabalik na sa OU.
DAY 5
Another day of hope that I can finally go home. Waited for the lab and test results. Okay naman lahat na ng results, except sa gastrointestinal na may scratch daw ung liver ko pero hindi naman major then binigyan ako ng reseta ng gamot. Mga 3pm dumating lolo ko sa hospital and sakto pinauwi na ako finally, kasama ko umuwi lolo ko and pinsan ko na binantayan at sinamahan ako sa 5-day stay ko sa hospital.
Never po siya nagpa-ramdam sa 5-days na nasa ospital ako, kahit text wala po. As in wala. 'Pag-uwi ko una ko na-realize na gusto kong mabuhay, na masarap mabuhay. Lahat ng sakit na pinagdaanan ko, tumumba man ako pero may mga taong nandyan at may mga taong darating para tulungan ako at hindi ako iwan. Hindi lahat ng pagmamahal ay tama, hindi lahat ng pagmamahal ay mali. Mas dapat kong ipasalamat na dumating siya sa buhay ko para masaktan ako, tumumba at malaman na mas malakas na ako ngayon na kaya kong bumangon muli. Buuhin ang sarili ko at pag dating ng tamang panahon ay magmahal muli. Dahil sa kanya nalaman ko kung hanggang saan at kung gaano ko kayang magmahal ng lubusan, kung gaano katindi ang pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay. Hindi ko kailangan magalit sa lahat ng lalake at sabihin na lahat sila ay babaero at manloloko dahil lang ganun ang ginawa sa akin. Naniniwala pa rin ako na meron pa rin mga lalakeng loyal at faithful.
Sa ngayon po, patuloy kong ine-enjoy ang buhay ko at nagpapasalamat sa Diyos na binuhay pa rin niya ako. Inaayos ko ang sarili ko ngayon. Ang mga bagay na hindi ko kayang gawin mag-isa noon ay sinubukan kong gawin mag-isa ngayon, tulad ng manood ng sine mag-isa, kumain sa labas mag-isa, lahat mag-isa. Mas minamahal ko ang sarili ko ngayon kesa noon dahil ang pagmamahal sa sarili, sa pamilya, at sa Diyos ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat.
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