Dearest Lord

THE IMMORTAL HEART:

Hello Papa God,

                          I've been thinking about this lately. Why do I have an immortal heart? This heart has been shattered for almost centrillion times but it never gets tired. Gets weak but never gets tired. It seems to revive itself. At a young age it has been broken, at a young age it has been wounded, at a young age it first died. I remember that night when Dad hurt Mom. That night when he tied Mom while she was on her third trimester with my baby brother. That night when he held a bolo in his hand and was aiming for Mom. That night when my grandparents were banging the locked door of our room. That night when he ran after his parents with that bolo. That night when Mom was hysterically crying. That night when we packed our things. That night when we left Dad. That night when my heart was terribly broken. That night.

                   
                         Despite everything, I never hated my father. I never hated him not only because Mom reminded me to love him. Not only because she told me that whatever happens he's still my father.



HELLO PAPA GOD

Hello Papa God,

                          Bakit po ganun? Nakakatuwa na nakakatawa how my friends look up to me. Ngayon ko lang po ata na-realize again na... Oo nga, bakit hindi napapagod ang puso ko? Since I was a kid I have this problem with my breathing. Naninikip dibdib ko once in a while especially kapag nagiging excessive 'yung emotions and feelings ko. Minsan nga hindi ko alam bakit tumitibok pa rin heart ko. Pero alam ko naman po ang sagot. Dahil po Sa Inyo 'yun. I wonder how a heart like this still functions well despite everything it has been through. Bakit nga po ba hindi ako napapagod magmahal ng totoo? Hindi natatakot na ma-balewala lang ulit? Hindi napapagod masaktan ulit? The truth actually is that... I'm really tired and scared but then I don't know bakit ganito pa rin. No matter how many times ko sabihin na ayaw ko na, pagod na ako, suko na ako, masakit na, awat na muna. Wala pa rin. Sige pa rin ng sige 'yung puso ko. How can this heart be filled with so much love when all my life it was what I've always been longing to have?