Ellipsis

You saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself and you still believed when I had already given up. That’s when you got me. I want you, all your flaws, mistakes, smiles, jokes, sarcasm, everything. I just want you. You got me not with the way you danced with my angels, but for way the sound of your name could silence my demons. I planned to say all these terrible things to you, but in the end, I just want to tell you I miss you. I’m not saying that I think of you constantly, but I can’t deny the fact that each time my mind wanders it always finds its way back to you. I’m addicted with the way I feel about you when I think of you. The way you look straight and so deep into my eyes swept me off of my feet. Just your presence lightens up my day, you make it incredibly perfect. You’re more beautiful than the scars on your skin or the ugly thoughts in your head, I think your scars are lovely because each scar has its own story, and I love reading about you.

But you know, I’ve always hated getting close to people these days. Given the fact that you’re used with ‘hellos’ and ‘good byes’, I'd still put up a fight for you but then, maybe I’m just one of your destinations. So I guess it ends here, we’ve gone our separate ways and hope that we’ll see each other somewhere in the future. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anyone else my entire life but it’ll never be enough, never be enough, never be enough.

You're so much more than any guy I've ever met. I felt at home when I was with you. Your sweetness and humility is astonishing. All of who you are is amazing. I wanted you, I wanted you, I wanted you but I'm scared. Scared of feeling this way for you. Scared that I may not be enough, even so that I might be too much. I loved every inch of you, the way you kiss my forehead and hug me tight like there's no letting go. But what are the chances that you're the same with every girl you've came across with in your journeys? It could be a cliché to you that's why it's so easy for you to give a part of yourself. But why does it feel like it's something different? Like every hug and kiss was meant for us? You claim to be forgetful about a lot of things but how can you remember small details about me and what I like? You were wearing that purple long sleeves when I first saw you, it doesn't really go along with my red sporty long sleeves. We don't match. In a crowded place on a Saturday night, you caught my eyes. Enraptured me with your being. I can't help but smile the whole time especially when we were in a massive crowd of people but it felt like it was just the two of us. Maybe it first it was just really sexual attraction but it only took hours not days after it suddenly felt a lot different and I don't know why. Why in a short period of time I began to feel this way towards someone who's bound to leave in few days anyway. Shouldn't we millennials be used to this kind of flirting and dating then erasing every memory we have of it after the person leaves?

Waking up right next to you as the rays of the sun caress your skin is the most beautiful thing ever. Being with you is something I'll always cherish. You added up the brightness of the day when you shouted ‘good morning’ upon realizing I wasn’t lying next to you. You were surely confident that I didn’t leave you that morning ah? This is fatal, I should stop myself from feeling this way.

But how? There’s something in particular with the way you laugh that can make an entire room light up. The way your eyes light up when you’re talking about things and people you love, your dreams, your travels, yourself. The way your eyes light up with every new idea and the way the conversation never wanes. You live your life confidently, freely, and without restraint, you emit the kind of energy that is just isn’t possible to fake. The kind of energy that’s capable of transforming not only yourself, but the lives of people around you. You are the light, you may never know or have forgotten that you are. You may be used to meeting people every now and then, creating a certain bond and having to leave them behind without any other choice—you’re used with good bye. I sometimes want to even ask you if it still pains you somehow or have you grown so used to it that you shrug it off and moving on has always been an easy task for you.

You're experiencing, learning, and growing every single day. Being able to share my culture with you and how you bravely allowed yourself to immerse is something I admire from you, watching you be so anxious and scared when you found out we're going to ride the jeepney. You were sweating with nervousness but overcomed it. You take time to learn traditions and backgrounds of places you visit and its people. Everyone has varied personal preferences being in the same race or not. Naturally, there are still some things which you doesn’t understand and probably never will, but that is perfectly fine. You brake cultural barriers and discover more about each country and I find the beauty of that with the way you speak of it. When you go back to your roots and speak in your language and tell me about things you usually do from where you are that is when you're most adorable. You've shared a part of your world when you spoke about it with your heart. A part of yourself which is something I won't forget.

You’re undeniably incredible, unutterably amazing, exquisitely full of charm inside and out. You’re a portal yourself—you take people to places they’ve never seen, a time keeper—you make time stand still and fast track it unknowingly, a time machine—you bring them to the unforeseeable future that holds greatness. You’re the light not at the end of the tunnel, but that tiny spark of light that leads to right path. You give them hope without breaking their hearts, you’re that fairy tale in reality that will always be. You've brave enough to recognize fairy tales while living in reality. To yourself you may not be as the way people see you but know this, you are far way better than the world thinks you are.

You positively belong to the -0.0001% of those people who has a genuine heart. I have you to thank for making me feel special even for a short period of time. I was in my darkest days then you came along but here I am taking every step continuing to reach to the light, you’re that hope that woke me up from a deep sleep. No one has ever asked me how I feel, nor has danced with me in the streets while a friend is buying something at a convenient store, someone who’s proud to be with me and held me tight, all these never ever. Neither has anyone looked at me so deep in the eyes. This may pass, we may not work out, may be not in this lifetime but surely I’d love to keep you close to me. Take care of that heart, you have so much love to give and share to the world. There maybe a chapter in your life that you don’t want anyone to fully know about but it doesn’t mean you’re not allowing yourself to be vulnerable. I applaud you for not being like everyone else. I know you seek tiny comforts that others don't expect of you like having someone to report to when you're far away, having somewhere to come home to when your adventuring is done. Let me know your darkness, your broken parts, your fractured pieces, everything's that weighed too heavily on your heart for you to ever reach down and resemble. Give me a map with coordinates that lead into the deepest, most twisted corner of your soul where all of your unconquered demons still lurk. We know that right now you are living the time of your life but happiness will be an ever-moving target. Fulfillment will forever be a chase, a fervor, the constant need for more. There's a special place in this world meant only for you. Show me the things you haven't lost along the way. And I will show you your own greatest strengths. Believe me or not I have a handful of unending list of why you’re worth it and why you deserve all the best there is in life. You’re all of these and none of those because you’re you. Everyone may fall short at times, without a doubt in this world full of pretensions and heartaches you’re the cure that everyone needs, everyone knows that you triumph in being unique. Your heart is so rare that no one would ever have come up a name for it nor put any words together that would be perfectly enough to describe it. It may all be temporary but it left something permanently, a beautiful memory. You. You. You...

Ich vermisse dich, MK

(JUNE 2017)