Maybe in time

I never believed in the possibility that the 21st century advancement on technology can actually create a special bond between two individuals who are separated by thousands of miles and oceans. You piqued my interest because of your stunning physique. Luckily you noticed me first and we had each other on private message moved to Viber then Snapchat got into the picture. The next thing I know we were talking about our common interests and differences, our present, past, and unknowingly looking forward into being together in the future. You weren't just the attractive guy that you seem to be but also you are one hell of an Einstein yourself, plus the fact that you are family-oriented and goal-driven. You admire your parents' love for each other and wanting to have the same as your own. You were EVERYTHING I pictured my 'the one' to be. Things went well as days go by, we discover and learn new things about each other though we're apart. Took it to the next level and awakened our fascination on old-fashioned ways such as hand-written letters. I know it was something real, I know that it was possible. I know because I felt it, I felt our love. Slowly we were drifting apart because of the oceans that keeps us apart and it broke my heart.

We almost had it, I almost loved you more than you deserved to be loved. We almost became possible, you were almost mine and I was almost yours. The force was inviting and was too much that we got drowned. I wanted you so bad but things aren't going well that I had to sacrifice what I was feeling just for you to breath freely once more. Even though it was hard to say good bye, I had no choice but to do it and so I thought of a way to remind you how much I feel for you and finally let go of what we almost were. I came up of this surprise explosion box and had it mailed to you. I tried to ignore you since then.

After few weeks we still managed to keep in touch and cleared things up that we won't be entertaining the thought of what once were. Somehow it still goes to show that the feelings were never gone. Once in a while either one of us would be saying things that connects to the past that we had and the other tries to avoid it. You still have a place in my heart that I can't seem to shut. I was certain about what I feel for you but I guess the stars didn't align which leads us to where we are right now. Slowly but surely I was moving on, escaping the thought of you, avoided every chance I had to contact you or even check on you. I'm still hurting because I promised myself right after I was discharged form the hospital two years ago that I would never love anyone ever again. Love crushes me every time and I had to buy time just to pick up the broken pieces and re-arrange them each time. I must admit that you still have the power to change my mood with a snap of a finger. I will never forget what we had, I will never forget you, it's still you but I need to let go before I completely fall and lock myself up into the same old pit I tried to escape from. We can't go on anymore.

It's crazy how I actually thought that we could be each other's love, I can't deny that I thought about it as often as much. But now, we need to go our separate ways. You had the chance, I've let you in yet you didn't see how special you were and threw it all away. If you're scared so am I but I chose to take a stand for you and you never did the same thing. I don't blame you for any of it, but I want you to know this is where I leave it all behind. It has almost been a month since I last communicated with you and last night you surprisingly viewed my snaps, you even managed to send a message and video. Guess what? I'm leaving it unnoticed. I'm not yet ready to actually say good bye but I hope you read my actions and I'm asking you to respect my decision. I have to do this for myself, I don't want to get hurt again by loving someone who only loves me with his conditions. I don't deserve that kind of love.

And now, you're back. Here you are trying to win me back. Trying to patch things up and giving another shot on what could be possible. I still feel for you, but not as stronger as before. I wanted you but where were you when I was enticed by that love? You were just there pushing me away. Maybe now you're ready to take a chance that's why you've came back. But, now, I'm the one who's having second thoughts. We can never take back the words we said, and partly because of the things you uttered months ago and the way you acted woke me up. It won't work, it simply won't. We may give it a try once I learn how to love you again without any doubts. Maybe in time...

/MX/
(OCTOBER 2016)