"AFTER US"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvxHPtEsmFc
THE STEPS OF MOVING ON:
1. Reminiscing and retracting
2. Release
3. Rebuilding
4. Renewed
REMINISCING AND RETRACTING
A year ago I found myself suffering from so much depression when everything between us was falling apart. I remember that last look, that last glance before we parted ways as I was on my way to the train station. A week after I sent him an e-mail on Yahoo just like what we've talked about that we'd be somehow updating each other but received no reply from him, I fight the urge to text nor call him but I re-read our messages. I check on his new girl's Facebook account until I broke down when I saw that just after a week when we officially broke up he brought the girl to his house, to his room. The room that we re-painted and gave a new look, I wondered if he ever think about me with every stroke of that paint brush painted on his walls. Yes, he cheated on me. I did a horrible thing because the pain was too much to bear, I overdosed myself from 50pcs of aspirin. I hoped that he'd come to see me but never heard anything from him even when he knew that I was almost in coma. Even when I was getting better I still hope he'd come to see me, so we'd be able to say good bye, ask him things I'm dying to know like why did he cheated on me. I looked crap and lost, I purposely avoid things that would remind me of him, of us. I chose not to talk things over with anyone because it doesn't help at all, I just want him back. But after my stay in the hospital I slowly started to realize couple of things.
RELEASE
I started to eat more, started to gain weight and look better. Catching up with my friends and family, talked about him with a clear head. And to my surprise that I finally had that bit of courage to talk about him and what happened without shedding tears. Even tried to catch up with the whole world, school, classmates, strangers, places, everything.
REBUILDING
I socialized more often, gained few more people in my life. Tried new things, start to see life without him, did things alone that we used to do together such as stroll in the mall, watch a movie, coffee, dine, and a lot more. I flirt at times, go out on some dates but most of the time enjoy the company of my friends. Cleaned out my stuff until like in the video I unexpectedly found something that he owns and I fall back a few steps once in a while. But at least, I'm a whole lot better than how I used to be.
RENEWED
I miss having someone special and someone who treats me special but sometimes when I think of it everything comes back even the hurtful memories that makes me fear of giving it a try with love again. But I came to think that I don't really need someone right now; there are number of cute guys I talk to but I'm not ready for anything right now. I don't mean to turn them down but all I want right now is just to be friends with them, I don't want to be unfair jumping into things. I just want to focus on who I am as a person right now, who I want to be, who I can be. Love will come, maybe not soon enough but it will.
I haven't really figured out if I'm in the rebuilding or renewed step but what matters is that I'm getting better. In time, I'll be okay. In time, I'll have that gorgeous smile back on my face. Someday. One day.
"STRANGERS, AGAIN"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvxHPtEsmFc
STAGES OF A RELATIONSHIP:
1. The meeting
2. The chase
3. The honeymoon
4. Comfortable
5. Tolerance
6. Downhill
7. Breaking up
THE MEETING
We met in the most awkward and unexpected way. I had a long day from photo shoot to ramp rehearsal and so much hassle before I reached that mall where my acquaintances were at. My mobile's battery got drained and I had to look for a convenient store with charging station. Until my acquaintances went there and he was there, everything was history.
THE CHASE
We became friends and had couple of dates, introduced each other to families. Enjoyed our moments together, sweet nothings here and there.
THE HONEYMOON
After one year of courtship, Valentine's came as surprise when he asked me to his girl. It was such a perfect moment for both of us, being officially a couple.
COMFORTABLE
Most of the time we spend our time together thinking about where to go, what to eat, and what to do. Sometimes we'd end up bumming around together and doing silly stuffs, sharing laughs and all.
TOLERANCE
Arguments came up but we managed to patch things up, I just don't know how it went nearing the end of the relationship.
BREAKING UP
I found out that he has someone new (even when we were still together) and he kept it a secret for me for 3 months long. It was a mutual decision to end things, to end up the hurting and lying.
"And everything we shared would just become fragments and memories. From so long ago, I'll question if it really happened. And all that would be left is a box of random stuff, from a faded memory in time when a stranger was the most important person in my life."
I still have all those random stuffs that reminds me of different memories and moments we shared and had. I kept it all in a white backpack and try not to open it and reminisce things over because I want myself to stop crying and I want the pain to stop hurting. I need to move on not in the way that he did but in a better way that I know would make me feel good about myself and everything again.
(NOVEMBER 2015)
(NOVEMBER 2015)
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"THE LAST"
Who, What, When, Where, Why
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvxHPtEsmFc
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