Fallacious Notation

Love doesn't always happen at first sight, sometimes it's by falling-- developing feelings unexpectedly, and sometimes we may think it's by accident. Having that someone as a part of your life is a choice; being close friends is a choice. At first things were so right, sharing laughter, silly stories, secrets, pain, and hurt. But as days went by, why does it all of a sudden changed into something else? Why? Where was the guy whom I knew? The guy whom I enjoyed being with? Why did you go away?

Things don't always fall into the right place, and that was what happened. Please don't treat me this way because I know I'll never have a chance with you. There could never be an us. A dream began a dream that is only meant for dreaming. A love that is only meant for wishing.

Everything is an illusion, I was deceived by your sweetness, and maybe I assumed it was something else. I was captured by your actions, and I fell into your arms. The rain is pouring. I feel cold, could you still be here for me like the old days when you lock me into your arms, and feel the warmth of your sweet embrace? I begin to shiver, shiver not from feeling cold but from the coldness of us. It wasn't supposed to be like this, this isn't right. I want to stop myself from falling further more so please stop treating me so special. I don't need it but I want it, I want you, I wanted you. 

/KA/
(SEPTEMBER 2010)

Epistle II

I used to believe in Happy Endings, princes, knight in shining armor, castles, unicorns, Never land, happy couples. But when my parents got separated, those Fairy tale stories were instantly buried in my memory. I felt like my life became miserable then as I thought it could ever be, love became a fairy tale and then I never believed that it could come true. That everything just happens in one's head, writings, movies, and most of all an illusion. One time love became a game for me, wherein the one who falls in love is the loser, and the game player always wins. The image of one happy family to me exists only in old photographs. The ideal family was what my classmates have. Guess their break up and parting ways buried me 99.9%, I cling on to God.

And so here I am, striving yet still falling on the ground and breaking at times. There even came a time wherein I stopped fooling more and quite loved, I held on to love. Love then became my comfort zone, and this amazon retreated from her battle. Spilling her heart out, pouring love out, but ended in the pain of it. I try to make myself better than who I was, but still mess up once in a while. Once or twice they were proud of me but it's always a one-day grin or success. And now, here comes along a story I only knew existed in a great writer's hand, a story that only a great scriptwriter could write, a song that only a great composer could compose, a poem that only a great poet could be proud of. A majestic topic a debater would fight for to win, a case a great lawyer would surely argue for and could not let this lose, and lastly for a brave warrior, it is a great reason to battle for.

(MAY 2012)

*FEATURED ON DEFINITELY FILIPINO*:
http://definitelyfilipino.com/blog/2015/04/10/epistle-ii/

That Thing Called Tadhana

For the first time in forever wink emoticon

In my 21 years 5 months and 6 days of existence, I've never watched a movie alone. Now it's time to try defying the dependence of having a movie buddy. I know how to handle myself, but when someone told me and proved me for awhile that he has my back I believed him, trusted in him (though I have trust issues) only that it turned out that he was the man I should have never trusted with my heart at all.

I admire Anthony Lagdameo's (JM De Guzman) character, walking straight to a complete stranger with a genuine concern for the girl with a broken heart, the girl who is lost, feeling alone, so hurt and pained because of some guy who used love to hurt her so bad that. The guy whom she's willing to give up everything for, imagined life with him, has goals and a bucket list of everything made with love, a forever that she believed in, and just with seven words: "HINDI NA KITA MAHAL, MAKAKA-ALIS KA NA." (I don't love you anymore, you may leave now.) Goes to show that it's not about how long you've been together but the love, the faithfulness, and the loyalty that holds it closer and with God in the midst of it. How can someone be so heartless to just leave the person who'd give him the whole world, would swallow her pride, give everything she has, entrust him all the love she has been saving for since she was a child for her prince. You loved her less than she deserves, or maybe lesser than less. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON AND JUST BE LEFT WITH AN INVALID REASON. How can a person continue to live life with someone new and with just a snap of a finger forget everything they've been through, how can you continue living life with someone new and leave her in the blue. Why did you choose to betray her instead of just leave her, why did you leave her?

Then someone comes along at that point wherein you just want to burst out and drown yourself in the sea of sorrow and in the blood river 'til tomorrow. He offers you a helping hand; he carries you with him though you're heavier than the usual burden because of the entire burden you've been carrying with. He looks at you like you're perfect though you're crying your heart out, he listens to you and when he says something, he's stating a fact (though it may sound as if he's being harsh with words)...

"Sabihin naman niya kung bakit, anong ginawa ko--" -Mace 
(I want him to tell me why, what have I done--)

"Bakit, kapag sinabi ba niya kung bakit, may magbabago? 

Ang bottomline, hindi ka na niya mahal." -Anthony

(If he told you, would it change anything? The bottomline is that he doesn't love you anymore.)

When one walks away, someone better is heading your way. Gather up those broken pieces, you are a gorgeous diamond and you deserve the best love there is. Someone like you who loves so deep will have something great in return. That love that you've been waiting for maybe a clandestine to you right now, but when the right time comes it will be revealed not until you are truly healed. Don't ever be bitter because someone hurt you more than anything else, because remember that it is not love nor forever that hurt you but someone who abused and used love and forever to hurt you.

There is often less danger in the things we fear than in the things we desire.

I recommend everyone to watch the movie "That Thing Called Tadhana". It'll be so much fun even if you watch it alone (as I did). Laugh, cry, and fall in love. I can relate so much with Angelica's character Mace, it struck my heart when I was watching it. I remembered how hurtful it was, how I felt alone though everyone was around me, and most of all how someone like JM's character Anthony unexpectedly came into the picture at that moment when you've almost buried yourself alive from the sorrow of the love that you believed and from the man that you think was the one. I was the heart pierced right through him and he was the arrow that was enjoying his life 'til I came and 'til things were ALMOST there but maybe, time says it all. That someone helped us get back up but somehow something keeps us waiting, but as the saying goes "True love waits". Wherever you are now, I'll never get tired of thanking you because you carried me with you until I can smile and live again. At first I was feeling kind of lonely but the sometimes you find serenity and tranquility within you; 'til we meet again. Never cease believing in love and in forever.

"THERE ARE ALL KINDS OF LOVE IN THIS WORLD BUT NEVER THE SAME LOVE TWICE."- F. Scott Fitzgerald

(FEBRUARY 2015)

*FEATURED ON DEFINITELY FILIPINO*:
http://definitelyfilipino.com/blog/2015/04/03/that-thing-called-tadhana-2/